[confused63]

I have been involved with a man now for 5 yrs and care for him very much.

I recently asked him if he was happy with whay we had and his response was yes he was.

So I went on to ask him if he was happy, comfortable, and getting his needs met why the hesitation on taking our relationship to another level and he told me he was STUPID.

What in the world did he mean when he made that kind of comment.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. You probably need to bring it up again and ask him straight out. It’s not fair for you to want something more and he is not willing to give it to you. Maybe he felt the questions was stupid, that he was satisfied. Maybe he was calling himself stupid. You will never know unless you ask him. You usually know during the 2nd to 3rd year in a relationship if you want to be with that person forever. Good luck and talk to him again about this even if he tries blowing you off. If he blows you off then something is wrong. He should be willing to discuss this.

[confused63]

he was calling himself stupid. not the questions or me.

i guess in a way he is stupid for actully knowing what you have and not wabt to do anything about it

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He said he’s stupid because that is his excuse for not giving you what you want — an engagement and marriage. If he can excuse himself this way by noting that you’re obviously not stupid, he is, then you’re the smart one for wanting what you want and by default, he’s the dummy. That’s his simplified explanation for not wanting to get married to you now.

However…you are not going to get what you want by pursuing this tact. I’d advise you to stop talking to him about this subject — if he wants to get engaged, he will. And clearly, he doesn’t. After five years with him, it’s time for you to pack up and find someone who does want to marry you if that’s your goal for yourself. It’s not fair for you to impose your goal on him if he doesn’t want marriage.

Trust me — your boyfriend is not stupid, and he’s not a dummy. He just doesn’t want to get married right now.

[Lamine]

Why not just ask him. Did he say that and you just ended the conversation? He is the best person to tell you what he means. Probe further. “What do you mean by you are an idiot?” “So, what are you gonna do about it?” If at the end of this conversation you are not 100% certain and i mean that , not even 99.9%, certain that he will engage you, that is not part of his plans.

[Member]

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