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I am at a stand still on what to do next. I am in a one year relationship with a great guy, and everything was good until 2 weeks ago. Admittedly, I have been stressed and snippy with him. But, so has he. I just chalked it up to a high stress time. Well, last week, we started drifting apart. Not seeing each other as much, not having sex in 9 days,etc.. This is my dilemma. He gave me his FB password telling me I have nothing to hide 6 months ago. Something in my gut said to check it, which I have never did before. Well low and behold, I find 4 emails to 3 if his plutonic girlfriends saying that “he loves me” and “we r good” but will “loose me if I can’t handle his talking to other girl friends”. I cried for hours as I felt betrayed and felt very disposable. Yesterday, I told him I felt something is off between us. I didnt tell him i read his email, but tried going around the bush to get the answers that i needed. He told me he loved me, wasn’t going anywhere and that we are both stressed out, but we are fine. I was ok with it last night, but today I looked again. He said to another girlfriend that he refused to move in now, but is happy. Later tonight I checked again, because while on the phone I heard him typing and asked and said he was FB a message. So now, of course I went into it again. Found he wrote another girl friend that now going spend some “me” time away when he doesn’t have his girls. So now I don’t get it. I said last night, if he wanted space, take it. But he told me to my face he didn’t want that, and now I read that he does. I am confused. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but then I read this, and I question everything. Am i being used? Am I getting cheated on? Do I even confront him? Should I be worried? I really don’t know what to do. I love him very much and want to make it work, but I am very confused by the conflicting conversation we had and what he saying to his friends about us behind my back. He hasnt changed his password or deleted the messages, so I wonder if it’s innocent venting stress or something I should confront him on and be done…please help!!! 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, stop reading his Facebook messages. If you can’t, since he gave you his password, I’m assuming with the understanding that you would use it, ask him to change it because you did use it, and it made you uncomfortable.

Second, pay attention to his behavior. Just because you’re in love with him, doesn’t mean he’s in love in the same way, at the same time, with you. It sounds like he still needs to test the waters with his female friends and this is upsetting you. It doesn’t sound, from what you wrote, like he’s cheating on you, but he’s not acting as committed as you had hoped he was, because you see him talking to his female friends.

One of the things I write about in Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], is that you can tell a man is serious about you when he starts acting like he’s part of a couple. That means hanging out with other couples instead of single friends — and definitely instead of single female friends! Your boyfriend probably enjoys dating you, but isn’t ready for the same commitment you are.

Read Think & Date Like A Man, for more advice on finding, getting and keeping Mr. Right. The last thing you want to do is waste time with someone who isn’t ready for the same thing you are!

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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