[Christy]

Dear April,

My boyfriend of two years, was exchanging emails with a married woman. He casually mentioned one day that he had run into her and she had begun emailing him again. He was evasive when I asked how he knew her and why he had never mentioned her before. He said she used to send him pictures of vacations and family and he hadn’t seen her in a long time. I figured since she was married that it was no big deal.

The a month or so later, he called and told me he ran into her again and that she wanted him to bring his new car over to her house to show it to her and her husband. I went with him. She told me how she has a lot of men friends and that women don’t get along with her except for her two sisters. She implied it was because women are catty and jealous of her. I thought she seemed full of herself and it turned me off.

Then, I was using his computer and looked at his pictures. She sent him pictures of herself in a bikini, a boudior cat looking outfit, and one of herself all dressed up. They looked like something a person would post on a dating site. He doesn’t know that I saw the pictures. Definitely not appropriate. How should I handle this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice to you is to focus on your relationship with your boyfriend — not this other woman. Make your relationship what you want it to be. You can’t control all the outside influences that will affect him or that will affect you. The important thing is that he appears to be loyal to you. That he brought you along to meet her and her husband is an act of honesty and openness on his part. A guy who was after some cheating wouldn’t have brought you to meet her and wouldn’t have met her husband.

Don’t confront her. Don’t give her any of your energy. She’s needy for male attention, and she’s looking to lots of men to get it. Your boyfriend is just a drop in her bucket. If you don’t give her any credence, I think that eventually he won’t, either.

As for his accepting her e-mails and befriending her, think about how you’d deal with a friend of his that you didn’t like, who was male. You’d probably mention it, but not make it a big deal. Ultimately, it’s his decision who he befriends, but if your relationship with him is “bulletproof” then she won’t be able to hurt it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook at his link: [url][/url]. You can also follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot!). 😀

[Member]

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