[Asw]

I’ve been seeing a guy since last November. We have always been strictly hookup buddies–mostly going out together and sometimes hanging out casually. Recently, I have realized that I haven’t had any attraction or interest in anyone else for about 4 months.

In August, we had a series of dramatic arguements while out at night. I pretty much threw a fit for being treated like a girlfriend when I am clearly not his girlfriend. In response to this, he simply said “Fine, watch this.” And he went up to random people on the street telling them we are going out. I was horribly embarrassed and pissed off. We kind of stopped talking–other than his weird comments whenever I saw him out, such as “how many months has it been?” I finally got him to talk to me in person, and soberly, and we agreed to just be friends.

In October, we started speaking more to each other again and seeing each other again. All awkwardness is gone and I’m realizing I’m really falling for him. The only problem is, I don’t know how to approach this.

He has never had a girlfriend before (we are in our early 20s) and I have had multiple relationships, both long and short term. I know he’s interested in me, but honestly I don’t think he knows how to communicate it.

Keep in mind we have a lot in common and we do talk–we don’t just have sex. Does anyone have any way to ask him if he wants more? I’m so nervous of starting the drama we had earlier that I don’t want to ruin what we have, even if our current relationship is just not enough for me anymore. Any advice would be great!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to stop being a hookup and start being a girlfriend, then you have to stop acting like a hookup and start acting like a girlfriend. It’s that simple (and that difficult!). 😉 Don’t go over there for sex and don’t invite him over. Don’t meet to hang out. Only go out with him if he asks you on a real date. If he asks why all the rejection, tell him you’re waiting to be asked out on a proper date! 😎

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

[ealltech]

If you want to stop being a hookup and start being a girlfriend, then you have to stop acting like a hookup and start acting like a girlfriend.

[Eloise]

Just ask him. Seriously, if you can’t communicate openly the relationship won’t work anyway.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How did things work out for you?

[Natalie Noah]

Your dynamic is built on familiarity and casual connection, which makes it comfortable but also confusing. The fact that you’ve realized you’re falling for him signals that your needs have evolved what was once enough as a casual hookup no longer satisfies your emotional side. Recognizing this is important because it means you have to shift the way you interact with him if you want something deeper.

The advice to act like a girlfriend rather than a hookup is spot on. By creating boundaries around when and how you spend time together, you signal that your expectations have changed without needing to have a confrontational “what are we?” conversation right away. The key is to make him initiate plans that feel like dates, rather than continuing the casual routine. This allows him to see your new standard in action and gives him the space to respond authentically to your interest.

At the same time, it’s natural to feel nervous about pushing for a more serious connection, especially given past drama. But the truth is, your feelings deserve to be respected, and if he truly values you, he will meet you in this new dynamic. By stepping back from casual patterns and waiting for him to make the effort to date you properly, you create a situation where both of you can explore a deeper relationship without pressure or embarrassment. It’s a clear, patient, and empowering way to transition from friends-with-benefits to something real.

[Member]

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