[Anonymous]

….when he hasn’t even said he’s interested, but it is VERY obvious that he is?

this is kind of a variation on the how to let him down easy question.

he’s a guy i work with (which makes it even more awkward), but the problem i have is that it’s really obvious that he likes me (texts regularly, buys me coffee, always suggesting we meet outside work for lunch, comes up to me and nudges me at work etc), but he hasn’t actually said that he likes me.

he’s a nice guy, and i don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it’s getting to the point where all of the stuff he does weirds me out (like trying to hug me at work or trying to give me a scalp massage) because i have no interest at all. how can i gently let him down and make him stop, when he hasn’t even said he’s interested, but it is bleedingly obvious that he is? i can’t just say “i’m not interested” when he hasn’t even said he is. and i’m getting tired and feeling guilty of making up some excuse why i can’t go for lunch every time he asks me. please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When someone is too forward, you have to push back a little even if it feels like you’re crossing a line. You can be polite, but clear. For instance, when he texts you regularly, don’t text back. (Wasn’t that one easy?!) When he buys you coffee, thank him, but don’t accept it. Tell him you don’t want any. When he suggests you meet for lunch, tell him you’re sorry, but you’re busy. Little white lies are okay in this situation.

The unwarranted hugs and the scalp massages he imposes on you 😯 deserve a remark: “Please don’t do that. It makes me uncomfortable. Please stop.” I know it sounds blunt, but anyone who starts massaging your scalp at work, needs a little blunt direction on manners and boundaries. Same with the hugs. It’s inappropriate and you’re doing him a favor by helping him understand this.

If he STILL doesn’t get the message after all this subtle rejection, then you have to tell him that you really don’t want to be friends, and his attention is making you uncomfortable. Thank him in advance for not bringing you coffee, hugging you in the office or asking you out for lunch any more.

Cold? Maybe, but if you don’t draw a line with him you’re going to end up blowing up at him, so do this instead.

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