[michael1991]

Okay, things have been very very bad with me and my ex girlfriend for the past couple of months. I had broke our relationship off because I needed some space for a little while, she was extremely needy and I felt suffocated for months. Even after I told her I needed space she was still acting as if we were in a relationship, and constantly wanted to be around me or talking to me. I finally decided I needed to cut her off for a little while, I didn’t ignore her, but I made contact with less frequent, because I know I needed it but also she needed to see that she has a life of her own.

After a couple of weeks, I realized that no matter how clingy she was, she eventually stopped chasing me and just let me be, and I began to love, respect, and miss her like crazy. I finally came out and told her that I wanted to make things work, and now it has completely backfired. She seems to be having the time of her life without me. She’s always out partying and posting pictures on Facebook of how happy she is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she is having fun, but I just wish she would at least allow me into her life in some way. For the past 4 months I have been trying as hard for her as she did for me, I have been clingy and I pushed her away. A month ago she told me she needed space because she felt like I was pressuring her into a relationship, and felt as if I was “playing mind games with her” because I was all of a sudden ready to fix our relationship. She told me we can work it out but that right now she just wants to have fun, but then other times she is flirty and I feel the connection all over again. She was hot then cold and it confused me, and stirred up a lot of emotions, which caused me to lash out at her. She told me that when she is ready to talk to me again since I put her through so much emotional turmoil, that she would contact me.

It has been a month and she has yet to contact me. With how crazy and obsessed I was acting, I can see why. I really did upset her and after a month of not talking i realize how much pressure I was putting on her, so I am afraid that “let me come to you” is no more than a lie so that I would stop driving her crazy. Not speaking has made me have no choice other than to think about how I was acting. I finally have my emotions together, and I know that I am ready to face my ex girlfriend without arguing with her or manipulating her with my emotions. I don’t want her to accuse me of disrespecting her space by messaging her, but I feel like if I just let her be for months at a time, she will never come back. I’m hoping that if she sees that I am in control of myself that she will learn to respect me as I learned to respect her. The only way that she will see that I’m in control is if we speak, because I don’t see her around anywhere. I just wonder if a month was long enough space that I would be able to speak to her. time heals all wounds but I’m also afraid to much time can cause me to lose her forever.

What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

How long were you dating before you broke things off?

[michael1991]

We’re both 22, and we were together 2 and a half years.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like she felt betrayed that you suddenly needed space after dating for two years, at age 22. When it only took you a few weeks of “space” to realize you’d made a mistake, the damage was done. Now you’ve been trying to get her back for four months, and she’s told you that she’ll come to you if she’s interested, which may be the best she can do to let you know she’s just not interested any more. Some people have trouble being up front because they don’t want to hurt the other person — so they say things like, “We should just be friends,” or, “I’ll call you,” when they don’t really mean it, but they don’t have the heart to say, “It’s over.”

Why did you break up with her after dating for two years?

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[michael1991]

Yeah I guess you’re right. But why does she tell me she still loves me and thinks we can work it out? Why not just tell me the truth and get it over with?

Because after a while she wasn’t the same girl she used to be. She was always so confident in herself, and then when we moved in together she became very clingy, and acted as if she couldn’t do anything without me. It just was too much. Yes I should have just talked it through with her and that’s a mistake on my part. I just wish there was something I could do to make it up to her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ah! So you moved in together, and [i]then[/i] you broke up with her. 😕 I appreciate that you realize your mistake, but try to see it from her point of view. I’m sure you can imagine that as a 22 year old, after dating you for almost 2 years, the two of you move in together, and [i]then[/i] you break up with her because you don’t like her any more, she is going to feel like she doesn’t want to take that risk again. 🙁 And frankly, it sounds like maybe moving in together wasn’t really all that you had hoped it would be cracked up to be, and dumping her was the best you could do at the time to get out of the situation. In fact, she may have started acting clingy and insecure when you moved in together, because she sensed you were pulling away — possibly before you realized you were pulling away.

And the reason she didn’t come right out and tell you she’s not interested any more is because sometimes people don’t want to deal with hurting someone’s feelings by simply being direct, so they say whatever they need to say to keep from feeling like they’re hurting someone. And she may be telling you she loves you and wants to work things out, but it sounds like her behavior doesn’t match her words. That’s consistent with someone who doesn’t want to deal with conflict. They say what they need to say to keep you from being upset — and maybe even stringing you along. But pay attention to her behavior. That’s where you’ll learn how she really feels. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts