[Tan1961]

I have been married for 25 years, my husbands father recently passed away and he went overseas to see him before he passed away. He stayed there for 11 days and was with all his family and friends. His sister had recently broken up with her husband as he had been having an affair for the past 3 years. My husband obviously wanted to spend time with her and his family and I was excluded from the funeral. I am heartbroken as I thought he would need me by his side. I thought we were best friends and don’t know how to cope.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is a reason your husband asked you not to come to his father’s funeral. It could be the expense of overseas travel or maybe there’s an uncomfortable dynamic going on between you and your husband that is affecting him more than he lets on, or perhaps you and his family have always bickered. I’m guessing because you haven’t given me any clues — but clearly there is something else you’re not telling me because you’re right, this isn’t normal. I think that you have to talk to your husband and tell him you’re hurt and you really want to understand why he asked you not to attend your father-in-law’s funeral. Without this conversation, you’re just going to be guessing and hurting, so roll up your sleeves and do the relationship work. 😉 To stop hurting you have to understand the reason for the slight. I hope that helps.

[Sofia]

It is important to understand that rejection or any compulsion on the part of the husband is no small matter after 25 years. Therefore, do not judge the entire relationship by one incident, but rather tear down this wall of misunderstanding.
AskApril was right that just guessing and showing your heart won’t do anything. “Roll up your sleeves” and ask your husband honestly why he did that.

[Ryan Carter]

It’s completely normal to feel hurt, especially after so many years of marriage when you expected emotional support. It looks like your husband have focused on his family and sister not you. But he may have thought that it will be better for both of us to manage situation without you.

My advice is to calmly and openly talk to him. Tell him that he was hurting you and want to understand why this happened. Overthinking will always make your pain more and more. Overthinking can damage your relationship. Take care of yourself, lean on close friends or family for support, and give it some time clarity and emotional balance will come back.

[Member]

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