"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

i am not getting the average romance life as i wish

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  • #7936
    Sananas
    Member #374,478

    Hello April,

    I have been involved in live together relation since a year, if I look backwards to the relation, it was far better than now, and we both were happier.
    Particularly, our romance life, because since 6 month we hardly have any… and my partner confirms it and feel guilty for.
    We talked about it many times, weather I bring the topic up or she, but it always ended with a complete silent from her or a none sense comments, then a promise that it will be better with an expression of guilty feeling and that is it, nothing would change!

    It is now really tiring and getting over me, we talked again in details and the answers were (my head is not free, not in a mood, I will not do it against my will, you have to wait, if it gets over you then you have two hands but not when I am home … etc.)

    I explain to her in many ways that it is not all about sex but yet sex is an important part, well at least for me apparently.

    And she gets everything out of this relation, she confirms it herself

    PS. She had a bad past with her EXs, this is what she claims; that they were abusing her sexually and she could not say no because she was scared to be left alone and she put this as an always excuse. When she cannot say anything and has no argument she always said “why do you all love me for sex??!!) And oh yeah, she takes kind of unti depression daily medicine.

    What do I do?

    Thanks

    #35026

    You’re 33 and your live-in girlfriend is 34 and you’ve been together for a year, but the relationship has gone downhill because your sex life has flagged and she’s not interested in talking about the problem or doing anything about it. If she isn’t interested in changing anything, then the ball is entirely in your court. That means you can try and seduce her beyond what you’ve been doing, or you can explain that this is a deal breaker for you and that if the two of you can’t improve on your sex life, you’re going to have to move on. If she cares about the relationship, then she should care about your needs and desires — just as you do, hers. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and if she’s not willing to respect your needs, this isn’t a good or healthy relationship for you.

    #52922
    Sofia
    Member #382,773

    Look, this isn’t only a sex issue; it’s emotional manipulation.
    The trauma of the past is painful, but it’s wrong to use it as a shield to win every decision. When she says, “Why do you love me for sex?” she’s making you feel guilty, so you can’t ask any more.
    And AskApril was absolutely right that if she doesn’t care about your feelings and needs, it’s not a healthy relationship. If your partner doesn’t want to change anything, then you have to make the decision.

    #52939
    Ryan Carter
    Member #382,784

    Actually, Intimacy is the most important part of relationship and when it’s missing for a long time, it can be emotionally exhausting. Your partner’s mental health may affect her comfort, but that shouldn’t leave your needs ignored. I suggest you consider couples therapy to work through past trauma and current intimacy issues. If your needs keep being neglected, it’s okay to think about what’s best for your emotional well being. Respect and happiness are important too.

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