[Anonymous]

April:
I have been back and forth with my boyfriend for a year. Most of it was lies and not the whole truth with certain things in his life. He was flirty with other women in the beginning of our relationship but then we worked that out. He didn’t tell me about a 5th child he has before he married his wife 20 years ago. That hurt me. We had been together a year and then decided to pop that one on me. I also have a hard time dealing with the fact that his wife died and he holds her such high regard. I think I get jealous and want to be #1 in his eyes but feel like I never will because of her. She passed quickly and her death was unexpected. I think our troubles are twofold, I expect him to be perfect and want a certain type of man in which he is not. He says that I expect him to be perfect because I am perfect. He said it has always been about me and what makes me happy. But, in the long run, we get along so well and the love we have for each other is very, very strong.
My problem is that I can’t let go and even though I have tried, I have a hard time walking away from him. We still talk and see each other every 2-3 weeks. I did well for a month, I didn’t call and I was strong but then I reverted back again and we saw each other and it was great! I love him so much and it was wonderful to be with him again. 1 week has passed since we saw each other and here I back doubt myself again. Why did I see him? I know for a fact in the long run I want to get married and be happy with someone and honestly, I don’t think he can make me happy. There are too many red flags about him and his life that I know, long term, is not going to be good for me. But, there is this pull, attraction and just being in his company that I miss so much.
So this week, I have been trying again. Trying to stay away from him, from calling or emailing and stopping communication. I need some words of encouragement. I was in a failed marriage before because I choose the wrong man. I don’t want to do that again to myself and my kids, they are young and I have been single for 4 years now. I’m 36 and want a happy life with someone. I want my kids to see a happy and successful love relationship. Please help April. Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Clearly this guy is Mr. Wrong and you know it. Since you want to re-marry and blend a family, you have to make that your goal. If you don’t, no one else will do it for you. As a 36 year old single mother, you have to put yourself and your children first, and that means that you can’t spend time with any man who isn’t going to be a good husband and step-father. When you decide that that goal and you and your children are important enough, you’ll accept that your loneliness and pain that come from this Mr. Wrong, are less important than fulfilling your goal.

There is no short cut, but wasting time on the wrong guy is going to make things worse, not better. I hope you’ll get Think & Date Like A Man, and READ IT! It’s a book I wrote for women who want to find and keep Mr. Right. You could really use some help up that alley since your first marriage failed and this relationship is failing, too. Get ready to win — but treat your relationship life seriously. Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s only $15.95 and it downloads automatically, so you can read it this weekend.

Make yourself and your happiness a priority. Move on and in the RIGHT direction. Let me know how things go after you do the reading (it’s a very easy read), and also join me on Facebook — here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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