[laura]

This guy and I dated for about 5 and a half months. He’s 27 and I’m 22. It was great. However, the main problem in the relationship was the fact that he works literally 24/7 (he’s a restaurant manager), but he would make time for me during the day to take a few hours break and eat lunch with me, and took sundays off to spend the day with me. That was my main complaint. Otherwise, we got along really great and were both attracted to each other in many ways.

The thing that broke us up was when I found an empty box of condoms in his trash. Two weeks prior to this I had told him I loved him, and he started acting distant. Like he would still act the same around me, but I just felt like he was pulling away, and I kept questioning it and making a big deal of it. Anyways, with the condom box, I wasnt accusing him of cheating, I needed an explanation and he told me he had took them out of the box a long time ago. Then he got cocky and was kind of mocking me saying “I used them is that what you want to hear?” I do have trust issues and am a little insecure with relationships. So I left his house and he sent me a text saying he didnt know what was going on with me, it was too much for him, but that im still very special to him. I didnt respond.

Two days later I texted him just asking what really happened, he said he threw the box away and it was from a long time ago. He said he didnt have a reason to lie to me, so he wouldn’t. He said I didn’t trust him and that hurt his feelings. He said it would have been stupid to leave the evidence in the bathroom with me coming to his house in the first place. He also said he doesn’t think I’m ready for a relationship. So I left him alone for a few days and took some time to look at myself, and the relationship.

To make a long story short, I made plans for us to see each other and we did (very stupid for me to do the chasing, I know). He acted like we hadn’t broken up at all. He was trying to make a move the whole time, but i simply gave him a hug and said goodnight. We hung out again, but we made out and almost did more but i stopped the whole thing.

He texted me saying he needed time to himself to figure out what he wanted. He said he does like me, but he doesn’t know what he wants. He still has a lot going on in his life, and the only thing he knows is he wants a stress-free life. He said he really enjoys my company and I’m still very special to him. I told him well, to make things less complicated I’d like us to see each other without the pressure of having to be in a relationship, whenever we can, and worry about a relationship later. He said he would see each other.

So i left him alone. Five days later he sent me a text just seeing what I was doing. I was in Dothan, Al for the weekend to take my boards for nursing. He called me everyday that weekend, and texted me everyday. When we talked on the phone I kept it short, but he would say “I miss talking to you” and he would ask me things like “are you eating well” and “when are you coming home”, “what are you doing tomorrow?”

Anyways, I have respected him in giving him space, but I don’t think he is respecting himself or me. I have a feeling he is stringing me along to keep me here. However, I am open to dating other people if the opportunity arose. I am not hanging on to him, but I would like us to work things out and start over, and I told him that. Basically, I am leaving it up to him to make the contact with me and the time so see me. At the same time though, I am wondering if I should set limits to this the next time he texts me.

I think that I should say something like “I’ve respected you and your need for time to yourself, but i need you to also respect me. If you need to figure things out, that’s fine, do that alone. I don’t appreciate being stuck in the middle with you while you are figuring things out. I am here for you, I do care for you, but I’d like you to take time away from me. When you do figure things out, then we can talk. I deserve better than this, and it’s not fair for you to make me feel as if I am being strung along.”

Please give any advice at all! I am a little confused. I do love the guy, and I am trying to be patient for him, but at the same time enjoy myself and leave other options open. Thanks!

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, please get my book, Think & Date Like A Man. You can download it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. If you read this book which I wrote for women who want to win in dating relationships, you’ll do a lot better with men than you are now. It’s a good read for you, so let me know what you think after you read it.

In a nutshell, you’re trying to make a relationship that isn’t working, work. If you want a relationship with a man to work there are certain things YOU have to do and they’re all in Think & Date Like A Man, so read that for ALL the tips and advice. [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. A few of the mistakes you made that are yielding your bad results are choosing a guy who doesn’t really have time for you. You knew from day one that he doesn’t have time for a relationship if he’s working 24/7, so why make that your “main complaint”? 😯 It’s an incompatibility.

Second, you told him you loved him FIRST. 😮 Read the book. Puh-lease, read the book. Of course he started acting distant after that. You were chasing him. Guys hate that. They want to be the ones to do the pursuing. Then — big surprise here — you found a condom box in his trash, but rather than take the hint, you confronted him and backed him into a corner. When he gave you a possibly plausible reason for the empty condom box, and frankly, the best possible reason — you didn’t accept it. He didn’t tell you that he’s interested in dating other people, or possibly already dating them, which he doesn’t have to tell you, and you didn’t figure it out or accept it. Instead you just kept stirring the pot.

Then YOU made plans to get together, rather than letting him do the chasing, which you admit in your post was stupid. And now that he’s pursuing you by text, in spite of the fact you write that you don’t think he respects you or himself, you want to put limits on him?? 😕

Think about this: This is not a healthy relationship. You need a time out until you read Think & Date Like A Man, and process what’s in that book so you can start behaving like a woman who wants Mr. Right, and not Mr. Right Now or even Mr. Wrong. 😳

I know you can do it, but it’s going to take work on your part. Get the book. Read it. And let me know how things go.

Also, please join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url]. 😀

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