[Brad8]

I have something which I’m really confused about which I believe you could perhaps help me since you have tonss more experience with all of this then myself and you give people amazing advice.

About a month ago I decided that I was going to go look for a girl friend, I got a couple numbers and when I called they told me they would love to go on a date and such and I realized I was afraid to because I knew they had no long term potential so I was afraid that in the future they would possibly be hurt if I was to break up with them. I was afraid to commit to anyone because I was afraid of hurting their feelings if it didn’t work out or show long term potential. I don’t really know how I can remove this concern so that I can date around like everyone else my age I’m only 20 and I know I still have tons of time to date around before I find the one but I am terrified at the thought that I would be hurting anyone along the way who I broke up with. I’m not sure what to do about this. I could go in with the hope that it would last but with the majority of those whom I see I know that there is no future.

This has occurred a bunch of times in my past so like the last 2 years I tried to become friends with a girl before I decided to commit but then it ended negatively then I’ve started looking again since.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you need to buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to date with more success. It’s going to help you a lot more than I can here. You can purchase the book as a download at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s only $8.99, so I hope you’ll buy and read it and we can discuss things in greater depth after that.

But what you need to understand is that if you have a true phobia, you probably need to see a physician. If you have a fear of hurting other people, you need to face facts: relationships don’t come with insurance. People get hurt. It’s the nature of the business. The best you can do is know yourself well, know what you want, and be willing to say no if someone isn’t right for you in order to prevent any unwise investment in a relationship that you already know isn’t going to work out. Just because someone is a good person, doesn’t meant they’re a compatible match for you, and you have to be mature enough to understand that.

But if you decide your fear is more important that risking the possible pain that comes with dating, looking for love and finding the love of your life…. then my heart goes out to you because that, my friend, is a lonely life. My advice is to date smart, and understand that every day when you walk outside you’re taking a risk. I hope you’ll find the possibility of love is worth it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go for you, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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