[awoz]

Hi,
I have been loyally married and with my wife for a total of 17 years. We have 2 great kids and a fun but stressful life together.
My problem is that I can’t stop thinking about seeing other woman naked. I really don’t always want to have sex with them either. My wife is great and we do have sex regularly, but I have been looking at her naked for 17 years and getting easily distracted. I have been to the strip club a couple of times and has some what helped.
The other issue is that when it comes to porn or strippers or anything related to other woman naked the wife has a freak fit and we will argue and argue and argue.
I have tried to spice things up in the bedroom but when it is all said and done it is still her I am seeing naked. I will not cheat on her. I have seen too many marriages crash and burn because of it.

Is there something wrong with me for thinking this? Is their any advice or a direction anyone can help me with.

[Ask April Masini]

There’s nothing wrong with you or your interest in seeing naked women. It’s normal. The problem is that your wife feels threatened by your looking at images of other women naked. Spicing things up in the bedroom is a great idea, but it’s not going to alleviate HER problem that this desire of yours is a threat.

I’m not sure what it is that you’re arguing about — but that would be helpful to know. It sounds like this is a communication problem between you and your wife. If there is a way for her to understand that your interest doesn’t denigrate her and that you worship and adore her, but still like to look elsewhere, she may be more forgiving of your sneaking peaks.

Have you tried including her in your interest — for example, some couples watch soft core pornography or erotic films together, and this sparks their own sex life. She may feel threatened that you go to strip clubs (with your buddies, I assume) without her. If she feels included in seeing other women naked, and she sees that you’re interested in women’s’ bodies, but not at the expense of hers, she may “get it”.

Let me know if that helps.

And I hope to see you at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[awoz]

Thanks for the response April.
I can tell you for sure that we have talked about it and that is where the arguments stem from. I have asked her several times if she would go to the strip club with me and NO is always the response. The worst part is that I am pretty positive she went to to the strip club with her girlfriends and it wasn’t to see the guy’s. I am totally fine with her going to either kind of show.
We have actually watched 10 min. of a soft porn movie and she shut it off. She said it was making her sick. When we were first together we did a threesome and I thought she enjoyed it but years later she said it was a huge mistake. I really think it is a self esteem issue or maybe a trust thing. She knows I love her to death and adore every part of her being. I tell her that everyday. But, the more I talk to her about this the bigger the arguments become. I am just getting tired of sneaking around to get my little peaks in and hope I don’t get caught.

[Ask April Masini]

Since you’ve invited her to join in and she’s shut you down, and you’ve tried getting her to understand and accept your desires, and that didn’t work either, I have two suggestions:

The first is to sacrifice your extracurricular looking at naked women for the sake of a your marriage. She’s not going to change, but you can — if you want to and choose to.

Or, you can continue to sneak peeks and be more discreet about it without including her in this knowledge. I know you want her to be okay with this, but she’s not going to be, so if you can do what you need to do without cheating on her, and without giving her any knowledge of what you’re doing, you get taken care of, and she’s not embarrassed by your behavior.

Let me know if that works. And don’t forget to join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. I’d love to see you there. 😀

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