[aznbabygirl06]

Dear April,
I’m new to this forum because I need an outsider’s opinion. Now please don’t judge me as I am seeking an unbiased opinion from someone who does not know myself or my husband. But as my subject implies I am thinking of cheating. Not because I don’t love my husband, but because I am bored in our sex life – and my husband doesn’t have sex with me very often. Lately we have been having sex once every couple of months (and we have only been married for a little under 2 years). At this point in our marriage (and we are both still young under 25) I think that we should be having sex all the time and be all over each other – but we aren’t. We don’t have kids, but we both work and often when we get home from work we are too tired to have sex. In any case, I have tried speaking to my husband about wanting more sex, and he always responds with “okay I’ll try” and nothing ever changes. Needless to say, I’m tired of waiting around for him and there is this guy at work that has been flirting with me and has blatantly told me that he wants to sleep with me, and I’m thinking of taking him up on his offer. Please note that I am still young with a very active sex drive, and I have only ever slept with 2 men (including my husband) in my whole life – and I feel as though I have not fully explored my sexual desires. As much as I want to explore them with my husband, he never seems interested in sex with me, meanwhile this guy at work is extremely interested and I feel almost compelled to sleep with him just for a bit of fun. I’m not looking to leave my husband for this other man, in fact the other man has a girl friend and a child with her, so I’m not trying to split them up either. I just want a bit of fun while I’m still young and beautiful – because I know that youth and beauty will not last forever, and I feel as though if I do not take advantage of this now then I may look back on my life when I am old, ugly, and frail with regret. So please April, give me some advice. Are these feelings that I feel normal? Is there something deeper that is wrong with my marriage that is making me feel this way? Or am I just acting on impulse and going through a “mid 20’s life crisis”? Please let me know what you think about it.

Sincerely,

A young woman looking for a bit of fun…

[shyanne]

Like you, I am a young married woman (22 and my husband is 25) who had the same mind set a you. My sexual experience was limited and i was unsure if marriage was right for me. I thought i should be out enjoying life while i was young and free-spirited. My mindset eventually got the best of me, and I cheated on my fiancee 4 months before my wedding day. I could not get rid of the guilt that i had felt and eventually the truth came out, and I have regretted my decision ever since. My fiancee decided to look past my mistake and we got married in July, but my relationship will forever suffer for the mistake I made; we have problems with trust, communication, and intimacy. If i knew then what i know now i would have never went through with it. The cheating was just a mask i used to hide my true feelings, and the problems we were having in our relationship.
I know exactly what you are going through! And i don’t want you to make the same mistake i did because it feels like an easy way out. Get counseling, and communicate how you really feel to him, make him really listen. Don’t throw in the towel just yet.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Shyanne[/b] gave you a great perspective. Let me see if I can help you further. 🙂

The frequency of sex in a relationship is a pretty common problem in marriage or any long term relationship, and it’s great that you recognized the problem, articulated it, and want to find a solution to it. However, talking to your husband about it didn’t work. The next step isn’t necessarily cheating — there are other things you can try if you want to. 😉 In fact, I’ve written an entire book to address questions like yours from couples where at least one person in the relationship feels that their sex life has flagged. It’s called Romantic Date Ideas, and you can buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. It’s got great information for situations you can create at home and away from home to put you both in the mood. Before you do anything else, I think you should invest the $8.99 in this book! 😉

What you many not realize is that relationships don’t just happen. They take work, and if you understand and accept this now, you can save yourself a lot of time, energy and heartache down the line…. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him (temporarily or permanently), this sex life flagging is going to happen with whoever you’re with. So if you love him and you’re want the commitment of marriage, then you have to work a little harder. 😉

As for cheating with this other guy, I think you don’t realize what that is going to entail. Right now, it looks like an easy out. But the reality is that women develop emotional ties when they have sex with someone, and if you do have sex with him, you will begin to have feelings for him, and they’ll become strong feelings. For men, it’s different: Men have sex because they can. In other words, they’re ready and you’re willing. I guarantee you that this guy is having sex with other women besides his propositioning you, and you’re eventually going to resent this.

I hope that helps you! 🙂

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[aznbabygirl06]

thanks for the advice – i do find it helpful and yes i do realize that this guy is a player and is probably screwing every girl in my office – and i don’t want to develop an emotional relationship with this guy – i just want sex, but i will definitely try to stress my urges more to my husband and put more work into my relationship with him because i do not want to leave him, and i’m not trying to get out of our relationship – i just feel like ever since we got married he has stopped trying to seduce me and stopped trying to be romantic, and thus i have also stopped trying to impress him so i think your advice is good and i will definitely take it to heart

thanks!

[reed]

Coming from someone that has been cheated on and felt the devastating results. I would have to say it is not worth it, not if you really love your husband. It could easily destroy your marriage, and it will ruin any shred of trust. If you both go to bed around the same time, go to bed a little early and lay naked on top of the sheets and start playing with yourself with your favorite toy. I assure you that will get a rise out of him. If you don’t have a favorite toy, I recommend a glass one. Also just because you let another man bed you doesn’t mean he will be able to satisfy you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Member]

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