Cheating is hurtful way for a marriage to end, but it’s easy to point fingers and blame the person who cheated. The reality is that unless this man was a chronic cheater, who cheated before the marriage as well as in it, this betrayal was a marital issue, not one person’s problem. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. I’m not sure how long you waited to remarry, but it sounds like you’re still processing what happened in your first marriage. That’s why this situation is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your current husband and your new marriage.
You married a widow who’s wife committed suicide. And I’m not sure how long he’d been widowed before he remarried you, so for both of you, I can’t tell whether you were trying to replace the lost marriages you both had, or if you were really wanting to marry each other for who you both are. 😉 Anyway, what I can tell you with what I know is that processing a spouse’s suicide is a big deal, and rather than accuse him of cheating when he connects with someone he meets at a party who is also a widower because of suicide, you might want to adjust the way you look at things and try to support his healing process. If he has you to talk to and other support to help him process his loss, he will be less likely to connect with strangers. In this case, the problem is that this stranger he met is a woman, and that brings up your demons from your failed first marriage. If it was a man he’d met, I don’t think you’d feel this way.
So, instead of accusing him of cheating on you — my advice is you embrace his desire to heal from the trauma of his first wife’s death. In each other you both have the opportunity to heal and nurture. Look for that angle, rather than projecting anger at your first husband onto your second.
I hope that helps!
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