[a_chan]

I started seeing a very shy conservative girl recently. We go to college together and we have known each other for more than a year. She actually made the first move by sitting on my lap and asking me to hold her.

A few days into our relationship I kissed her since the signs felt right (We were rubbing noses and our lips were touching in that teasing sort of wat). The kiss lasted at least 5 seconds but she suddenly withdrew and said things like “what am I doing”, “we shouldn’t” etc. and she looked upset. Turns out I’m the first boy she’s ever kissed and she’s 23 (I’m 25 but I’ve had a few relationships which I think is quite normal). She said that she wants to continue seeing me but as far as intimacy goes, she just wants to cuddle and doesn’t want to kiss or do anything beyond cuddling.

Since exams are coming up we decided to put things on hold and study since we don’t want to screw up on finals. We have agreed to talk about our future after finals.

Intimacy isn’t everything in a relationship but I think that it is still important and the kiss you get from a girlfriend should be different from the kiss you get from your grandmother. I can totally wait for her, but I don’t want to continue if I don’t think she’ll at least consider third base after seeing we see each other for 2 months or so (I don’t mind waiting longer).

Both of us come from different backgrounds. I’m Asian but I’ve been living in the US for 10+ years and my parents are open to things like dating outside my race etc. She’s a recent immigrant from India and she’s only been in the US for about a year and a half and she is still adjusting. Her parents are not religious but they are conservative. From where she comes from, relationships before marriage are rare and it’s expected for a buy to ask the girls parents for permission before dating. However since we are from different backgrounds I don’t know how her parents will take the news (she obviously hasn’t told them anything yet).

She’s a very sweet girl and I would like to continue seeing her, but not if there is no chance of being intimate down the line. I know there’s a line between being respectful of boundaries and coming on too strong and I’m not looking to just score and pretend to be a “playa”, I want a relationship and I’m willing to wait for her, but I would like to know that it’s possible to be intimate down the line.

Advice would be great right now. Thanks for reading.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is to take her out on a few dates and get to know her. Between her behavior and your conversation and interactions on the dates, you should get a better idea of her background and what’s expected from her by her family, and what she expects from a relationship, including some indication, at the very least, of her sexual mores. Get to know her through dating so that you can make a decision based on knowledge of her, rather than guessing. 😉

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[Focus]

Hello!
I was reading through your post. You mentioned that your girl was from India. I am an Indian too and let me tell you this, Indian girls care for their virginity very much. Many of them strictly don’t lose it before marriage. So if you are going to force it upon her, she may relent, but her parents wont. They are not going to be very happy. If you are looking for a serious lifetime alliance, you have to respect ur girl’s culture. But again, I can say for sure she is never going to leave you. She’ll be very loyal to you. I have a girl too here in India and i respect her want to be a virgin until we get engaged. But again dude…controlling your sex drives is not a big deal 😉
With goodwill and respect. Please forgive me for anything you find offensive. I was being outright ‘facty’

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Member]

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