[wallflower]

I have been in this exclusive relationship from 36 months. Almost a year ago we started long distance as he went abroad for his studies. The plan is that we get married once he completes his study in May 2017. I am not the jealous kind of person in general. My boyfriend has female friends who even visit his flat. He tells me about them and I am fine with all this, except this one girl. Lets call her M.
I didn’t hear about her in the first two semesters. This semester they have all their classes together. He talks about her a lot. I was normal till the point he told me M has given him 60$ birthday gift and his birthday was in July. I showed my disapproval. I came too strong on him and in retaliation he cursed me stating that, I doubted him and he was really hurt.
I never doubted him, atleast not sexually. He is a very sentimental person and he gets involved with everyone emotionally, even with his male friends.
In anger he paid M 60$ for the gift and yesterday sorted out the difference between us. He told me that M is a really nice person and she give gifts to every person in his college friend circle. The strange thing is except M, I never heard about this friend circle before.
Today, he created Halloween party event on facebook and invited his old friends and also invited M. In the invitation I cannot find any person that could be from his college circle because I recognise all people from the invitation. Now, my doubt is if he invited M he should have also invited rest of the friends from the college. Or is it just that I am over-reacting?
P.S. Sorry for long post.

[AskApril Masini]

Yes. You’re overreacting. 😕 If your goal is to make this relationship work, and you’ve been together for three years, with the last one of those three years long-distance, you have to focus on that goal. 😉 You’re not with him to date him while this is long distance, and there is going to be competition. That’s just a fact of life. It may be difficult, but that’s part of the challenge of long distance relationships. You have to give people in these long distance relationships a lot more freedom if you want them to work — and that goes both ways. He has to give you more freedom, as you have to give him the same.

So, instead of blaming him for accepting gifts and possibly dating this other woman, why not accept the reality of a year or more of distance, and compete for him! 😎 If she gave him a birthday present that indicates she’s interested in him, you have to give him a present that’s more meaningful. 🙂 Be the girlfriend he really wants to be with — above all others. You’re not engaged, but if, as you said, he wants to marry you in May of 2017, then why not celebrate the commitment that the two of you have, instead of creating arguments. Yes — you’re right. This other woman likes him, but that doesn’t mean you can’t win him! But, because of the distance, you have to avoid arguing with him, and if you can’t, reconsider the long-distance relationship. These are very difficult to sustain for many people, and it’s understandable that you’re trying to apply “in town rules” to an out of town relationship. Ease up, hang back, and be that girlfriend that gets the guy.

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