"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."
"April Masini answers questions no one else can
and tells you the truth that no one else will."

Activism gone too far

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  • #7999
    AlexLovell
    Member #374,684

    My question has to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. We’be been dating for 3 years and we live together out of those 2 years. Recently since maybe June he became involved in an activist group. We both do some form of activism but this new group i have been quite suspicious of because of the reputation they have and overall seems quite shady (others have noticed this as well) One of the girls in the group has been for some time now interested in my boyfriend. Yea I get they are in the same group but she is constantly all over him one photo she is actually sitting on his lap during a photo and she will take photos and capture him as “super sexy” etc now she apparently has a boyfriend herself and I think it is a bit disrespectful to her boyfriend to be all over another man knowing he has a girlfriend. When it comes to me she will go out of her way to avoid me and if she does interact with me she passively makes snide to basically insulting comments towards me. Now it is to the point where she is kissing up to his parents literally trying to get close to his parents for some unknown reason. I want my boyfriend to keep doing his activism work but this is getting out of control. It’s frustrating because he won’t really say anything to her and I am trying to let him handle the situation. So any advice how I can deal with it on my end?

    #35155
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    This is between you and your boyfriend — not you and the other woman. The fact that he is taking photos with this other woman on his lap, and introducing her to his parents means that you’ve got competition! And that he knows it upsets you and still does it, means that he’s interested in her — it’s not a one way street. That means you have to compete with her for his attention, if you want to win him over. Consider what it is he’s getting from her, and what he feels like when he’s with her that he doesn’t get from you and his relationship with you — and focus on improving those “cracks” in your relationship. Guys go where they feel good about themselves, and if he’s getting something from being with her that he isn’t from being with you, he’ll go there. So use this problem to work on the relationship you have with him, and avoid the instinct to tell him what to do and ways in which he can and can’t behave, and instead… make him want to be the one who devotes himself to you.

    I hope that helps. 🙂

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