[angelwithhalo]

I think I am looking for some answers.. I am involved with a man that I was involved with many years ago and now here we are again.

I should say last time we were doing this I had a boyfriend and my lifestyle was different. This time I am single and he says he is too.. but I know different and lets just say tables have turned on the other women involved. I am just looking for some kind of answer because my emotions are playing games cause his actions are different than what he is saying.

We both agreed when we started this that it is purely sexual. the fact is that we have spent a lot of time together in the last six weeks. He makes feel good about my self. He buys me intimate things. we spend hours on the phone texting bout things we want to experience and things we have experienced. I know for a fact he does not do the same for this other women. She says that they don’t even have sexual relationship. she always tells me that she loves him, but then she wants to meet someone new. She does tell him and me that all the time that she was hurt and does not trust him cause at one time him and I were together. But the fact is I was involved with him for a couple years before they started and him and I ended it cause of of her and my ex . and I started to have feelings for him. The feelings never went away ( i am trying hard to not feel them). We match each other so much sexaully, we both satisfy each other. We Want to make sure our needs are meet.
Just a side note.- for new years he said he wanted to take a break and wanted to reasure its not over. its only been 10 days and he is calling again.

If this is just sexaul or are there more feelings than there should be for what we committed to. and should he not want to do these things with person who he is with?

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, it’s a little confusing to understand your situation. I think what you’re saying is that you have a history with this guy, but have recently started seeing him again, and you agreed with him that it would just be sex, not a full relationship with emotions. But you also know that he lies to you because he’s seeing someone else and not telling you about it. And…. this woman he’s with is a friend of yours, too, but she doesn’t know you’re seeing him because he lies to her as well as you, and you lie to her as well because you don’t want her to know you’re seeing him. Whew! Have I got it?

If I have, here’s your question, and my answer below it:

[quote]If this is just sexaul or are there more feelings than there should be for what we committed to. and should he not want to do these things with person who he is with?[/quote]

You were not being honest with yourself when you agreed to a sex-only relationship. 😳 Clearly, you didn’t want a sex only relationship, but you agreed to it because you figured it was a way to leverage yourself into his life. This never works. 😳 And now, you want more than just sex. (You’re not the only one who does this. Lots of women think they can have a sex only relationship, or a FWB relationship, because they don’t admit to themselves that they want more than that. Honesty with yourself is crucial.) It’s very important for you to be honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship and then not to waste your time with anyone who isn’t that person or who can’t give you what you want.

Your question about what he should or shouldn’t want to do is irrelevant. It’s not really your place to decide what someone else should or shouldn’t want. That’s his business. Focus on what YOU should or shouldn’t do, and you’ll be in a better place. 😉

And your question about whether or not this is a fling…. is a little confusing since you got into this relation to just have sex, as did he….. so for him, yes, it was and always has been a fling, and for you, you tried to trick yourself into thinking you could keep it a fling — when what you really wanted was a relationship, not a fling. 😉

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