[Nzacc171]

So my girlfriend and I have been together for a year..we’re both in our late 20’s. We recently moved across country together, and have been living together for 2 months now. For the last few weeks she had been acting very cold and distant. She hasn’t had much success in finding a good job since we moved here and I know that has been weighing on her. She has a job but its part time and pays very little. So I have been paying a vast majority of the bills since we’ve been here, as I’ve found a good job. The first month we were here we had to borrow money from my parents to help pay the rent..now to the point. I finally confronted her about how distant she had been and she told me that she needs space and that we should take a break from our relationship..she said that we’ll still be together but on a break. She says she doesn’t want either of us to see other people. So I told her that made absolutely no sense and in a relationship you’re either together or your not, there’s no gray area, as she states this is..when I asked her why she told me that she’s not sure if I’m “marriage material” and that having to borrow money from my parents to help pay the rent was a “turnoff” and that in order for us to get back together she wants me to prove that I am responsible for a while and that I have my bills payed on time and then she’ll reconsider us getting back together. I’ve also been the only one that’s payed the rent since we’ve been here. I’ve payed a majority of most of our bills. So I told her that I was going to look for an apartment and I’d move out next month as I’ve already payed our rent for this month, and she got all upset and told me that she didn’t want me to move out. She wants us to live together. She tells me she loves me but there’s no physical contact whatsoever. I feel like she wants to keep me around until she can afford to get rid of me..I’m starting to resent her. am I over reacting? Any help appreciated..

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re not overreacting. You’re paying attention to the writing that’s on the walls. She’s unhappy — whether it’s with you; her inability to find a job yet; the financial situation she’s in, or she’s realized she wants a man to take care of her completely, but never made that clear to you until just now. She is offering up different variations of separation, but none of them are going to help — especially since you’ve already been together over a year now.

My advice is to move out and break up so that you can both see if the break up is something that’s good for you or not. You’ll never know what a real break up feels like if you do as she suggests — different types of partial break ups. After a year of dating, it’s way to late to start making the types of changes she’s suggesting.

I know this will be difficult, but you have to focus on yourself now, since she’s focusing on herself — not the two of you as a couple. The relationship is unraveling, and the sooner you cut to the chase, the easier it will be for you to make your next move.

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[lovendar]

I think you are absolutely right and you should get apart from this relationship. It is very clear from the above matter that she is using and will throw you when she will be able to afford her expenditure. So, be careful and understand the situation’s demand.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Member]

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