[Rachelhue]

We broke up about 2 weeks ago. He broke up with me. We were head over heels for each other and we talked about getting married and having kids. He started joining clubs and became busy. We started having some arguments. He would say how he could never imagine life without me and that I was the one. he broke up with me saying he isn’t happy and he isn’t doing what he wants. he would tell me how happy I made him. We both cried and he said he loved me and asked if we could be friends. I told him not now. He then told me if I need to talk about things he’ll be there. We didn’t talk for a week, I didn’t contact him/he didn’t contact me. After a week I got a call from a friend saying my ex wanted to give me my stuff back through her. I had some of his stuff and I dropped it off in person. He was upset with me because he thought I never wanted to speak to him again. I told him I just didn’t want to be friends. He told me he felt like he was putting me as a priority instead of things that would benefit his future. I asked if he still cared and he said he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. We joked about how we couldnt be friends because we have such a strong past. he doesn’t know what makes him happy anymore. I told him maybe in the future we can start over and he said if I want to talk about things again we can. He gave me 3 hugs. I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. I left w/o begging and I’m back to no contact. I really thought he was my soulmate and we had an amazing connection. I don’t know if I should completely move on or try after no contact to get him back.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since he is the one who broke up with you, and the reason he gave is that he isn’t happy and isn’t sure how to be happy, I think you should move on. This isn’t a break up that has to do with you. It’s about his not being able to be in a relationship right now because he’s in a place in his life where he’s okay. You have to be healthy, yourself, before you can be healthy with someone else. 😉

I agree with you that it’s wrong to try to be friends with an ex. This just makes it way harder to move on, and there’s always that romantic and sexual tension underlying any other relationship dynamic that makes true friendship impossible. So, trust your gut. Be sad that it’s over, but be mature in understanding why and that moving on is what’s best for you.

I hope that helps.

[Sally]

That kind of breakup hits in a weird, quiet way. You still feel the love, but everything’s out of place. And honestly, two weeks is nothing. Everyone’s still raw, still confused, still saying things they half-mean because they don’t know what they want.

From what you wrote, he sounds torn not gone, just overwhelmed. Guys do this thing where they freak out about their future and pull away from the one person who made them feel safe. It doesn’t mean the connection wasn’t real.

But here’s the part that’s hard to sit with: you can’t chase clarity out of him. Give the space. Let things settle. If he circles back, it’ll be because he chose to, not because you pushed.
And if he doesn’t… you’ll still be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

[Tara]

He outgrew the relationship and didn’t have the spine to own it without wrapping it in sentimental bullshit to soften the blow. That’s why you’re drowning in mixed signals, because he wants to leave without feeling like the bad guy.

Every line he fed you was classic breakup anesthesia: “You’re the one,” “I could never imagine life without you,” “I’ll always care,” “I’m unhappy,” “I don’t know what makes me happy.” Translation: He wants freedom, but he still wants to feel noble while walking away. And you’re clinging to every breadcrumb because you’re terrified the story is over.

Those hugs, that nostalgia, the “I miss you too,” the emotional softness, none of that is a roadmap to reconciliation. It’s just residue. People don’t go from planning a future to breaking up because of a scheduling issue. They leave because the feeling changed, and they’re hoping the exit hurts less if they package it with tenderness.
You asked if you should move on or fight for him. Here’s the real answer: there is nothing to fight for. He made the decision, he executed it, and now he’s hovering because he likes the comfort of your attachment while enjoying the freedom he walked toward. When someone wants you back, they don’t give you your stuff in a handoff and talk about “maybe someday.” They show up with certainty, not confusion.

You don’t win him back by waiting around. You don’t rekindle something he already extinguished. You move on. Fully. Permanently. Stop protecting his feelings more than your own, stop treating his indecision like potential, and stop fantasizing that “soulmate” means anything when one person’s already checked out.

The only right move is this: accept that the relationship is dead and stop trying to resurrect a man who already let you go. The future you’re clinging to existed only in your imagination, not his.

[Member]

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