[dmt]

I met a guy at an international ethnic festival. A few days after he called me to make plans for an informal date at a jazz fest. He was running late over an hour late. While waiting for him another guy began some light flirtations and asked me for my number. So I gave the guy flirting with me my number. My date finally shows up when the band was finishing. Was this something considered immoral?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think it was immoral. The jazz date was a first date — not a long-term boyfriend or a husband. It should always be understood that when you’re beginning to date someone, you’re both playing the field. Of course, if a guy asked for your phone number while you were with your date, and you gave it to him, that would be bad manners. But if you’re alone, and someone asks, it’s fine for you to give it to him. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[dmt]

I have another issue I recently got back with my ex whom called off our relationship and pending wedding earlier this year. I had to move out and start all over again after 7 years of us being together. He immediately started befriending his ex whom he has a child with before I had a chance to move out of the home we shared together. Once I moved out he began a relationship with his ex. I met someone several months later that I really liked. But after my ex pleaded and begged me to give him another chance I broke it off with the other guy and we began exploring our relationship again. However, it has been a lot of heartache since we got back together. I have to deal with the fact that his ex is always going to be a factor because they have to co parent their child together. Second he looks down on me because I slept with the guy I was dating within 4 weeks. And he brings it up constantly supposedly as a joke and at times very sarcastically. In his eyes I broke his heart and should have waited much longer before sleeping with this other guy. To him what he did was not a determent to his character or morals because he had a history with his ex and they have a child.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What’s the question?

[dmt]

Should I feel insecure as if I made a bad mistake just because I with someone I has only known a short period of time? Does it make him more respectable because it was his child’s mother that he was intimate with and the fact he has known her for many years?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Should I feel insecure as if I made a bad mistake just because I with someone I has only known a short period of time? [/quote]

I can’t tell you how to feel. I don’t know why you broke up after seven years and an engagement, and I don’t know why you were the one who had to move out. Also, I don’t know what you mean when you say that you knew him only a short amount of time, since you said you were with him for seven years, which is not a short amount of time. ❓

[quote]Does it make him more respectable because it was his child’s mother that he was intimate with and the fact he has known her for many years?[/quote]

It doesn’t sound like he cheated on you since he didn’t start dating his ex-wife until after the two of you broke up — but as for “respectable” — gosh, I don’t think it matters who he dated after the two of you broke up. If you’re not together you’re both free to date anyone you’d like.

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[dmt]

I don’t think I was clear when I said I had known him for a short time. It was another guy I was with three months after I moved out. Secondly it was my ex’s home is why I had to move out. When he started dating his ex I was still liven in the home I hadn’t moved out all though he told me it was over between us.

My ex believes that I am not as respectable because I was intimate with someone after only knowing the other guy for one month. But he fills what he has done is not held to the same standard because he is a man and it was his ex.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for clarifying! 😀

Your ex is using a trumped up excuse of morality 😯 as a way to make himself feel superior to the guy you dated during your hiatus with your then ex and to punish you for doing so. He’s angry that you were able to find a man to date and have a sex life with and is trying to put you down by stating that what you did was immoral 😕 so that he can punish you for having moved on so quickly. He’s jealous and angry and morality is a code word for “I’m right; you’re wrong — I win; you lose, apologize, NOW!” 🙄

You weren’t wrong. In fact, it’s none of your boyfriend’s business who you dated or slept with or went to the moon with, for that matter, while the two of you were not together.

And as for his continued morality checking (where did you find this guy??) his relationship with his ex while the two of you were broken up is still a relationship with another woman and doesn’t carry any weight because the two of them had once been together. In fact, it’s a big yellow flag for you, if you decide to continue with him, that he’s not over her, and she’s always going to be in his life because they have a child together.

My advice is that you find someone who doesn’t feel he needs to wave a morality wand over your head every time he doesn’t like the way things play out. It’s very hard to work with someone who’s constantly pulling out a red flag and screaming morality foul. It’s not playing fair. And if you don’t share moral grounds, you’re going to have a shaky relationship foundation going forward. 😳

I hope this helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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