[Atram]

Hi, this is my case, it may be quite banal for you, but I’d appreciate your opinion and advice.
I met a man one day, who lives far from me. He first said distance is a problem, but we kept talking for 1 month because we had great chemistry and no expectations. Then I visited him for 1 day, because he’s afraid to fly. We had a great weekend, I flew back home. Soon after he was contacting me less and less.
(In my opinion, he missed me a bit, the relationship was becoming “real” and he didn’t want a LDR).
After 1 week silence I had to initiate contact. He explained his friend was betraied, it was a bad period for him.
Anyway in a few days I’ll be visiting him again.
He replied he likes it, I’ll be welcome. But he doesn’t see a future with me, he didn’t feel great spark, he never had a LDR before, he didn’t see me as his future wife or mother of his possible children. He’s 36, he wants a family and children. He says this is not my priority, I’m younger , I’m more adventurous than him, I go to parties more, and my work is very demanding.
So I replied I’m looking for a friend I like very much, a person I respect, appreciate, and trust. I don’t expect a sudden spark, or false promises… Try to live in the present moment, try to get to know me.
He said I can’t make him change his mind. But please come to visit him as a friend he likes.

What can I do?
Should I spend little time with him? Be a friend? Bring him to do something exciting (I like free climbing). Have sex with him or not? Stop initiating contact?

I’m ready to do anything. I could go to live in his town after the end of a contract in my home town ( 3 years from now).

I don’t know how he feels about me, he says I’m exciting, active, full of initiative, good looking, intelligent. Maybe another problem is that sometimes I tell him some male friends like me?

Thank you for your kind attention

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is to stop contacting him and put your energy elsewhere. When a guy tells you he’s not interested, you shouldn’t push. He’s giving you a gift. 😉 Walk through doors that are open to you — don’t try and push open those that aren’t.

[Atram]

Put my energy elsewhere and treat him as a friend? Or not even go to visit him (which was planned and I have tickets) ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not your friend. Move on and find someone new to date. 😉

[Member]

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