[danilin]

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago because we thought there is no clear future for us due to the long distance relationship.
He and I met in my country when he studied in my college, then we broke up few months later because he had to go back home after study. Months after that, I was able to go in his country, he offered me to stay at his place. First few days, we behaved like friends and then we discovered we still have feelings for each other so we got back. Then, I had to go back home after my trip there. We decided to go for the long distance relationship because I would be studying master’s degree in a city near his home. Six months later, we finally be able to see each other again. But the year I study master there was not that easy as I thought. We were not able to figure much time to see each other, etc. I am going back to my country soon, and both of us was expecting that after the year I study master degree, he’ll find a job in my country and we don’t need to suffer from all these anymore. But we tried very hard, there is nothing. I told him it’s fine if we had to end again because of the distance, I just wanted to enjoy our time together until the end. But he told him he couldn’t. It was too hard for him to enjoy, so we shouldn’t see each other anymore. So, we broke up 2 weeks ago. Last week, I asked him again to just see each other until I have to go home after my study (about 3 months from now). He got sad. I kept telling him it’s find, just put the worries away. Then, he got angry, he said he can’t. and he said again that unless there’s a future for us or the relationship is over and he wants to move on. I feel very bad because we are still so close to each other but not seeing each other and just seize the day we can be together, so from time to time, I talked to him and told him I miss him and I still love him and I am so afraid that we might never see each other again. But he always stays silent when I talked about the relationship. Other time, we’re able to talk like good friends.
What should I do now? I know that working in my country is what he really wants, but probably because we both just graduated from uni so we don’t have enough experience and skills to get hired in each other’s country… I kept telling myself don’t be too upset by this break-up because we were able to meet again before, and maybe after a certain time we will again. I told this to him as well, but he just stayed silent. We’ve been together for 2 years (with some separation of distance sometimes) and before that we were friends for years…
Should I just forget him and move on, or each in contact and wait for the day that the chance to come and we’ll see each other again? and why he prefer to stay silent for everything I say about us and the possibility of future? Does he really wants to move on and just be friends even when the opportunity comes for us to be together again?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s pretty clear that he wants to be broken up with you. 😕 Because of that clarity, I think it’s a good idea for you to move on. It’s always better to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you, and to be in the relationship, than to be with someone who wants out. 🙁 I hope that helps.

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[danilin]

thanks you.
I am still a little bit confused about our relationship now. because we still talk/chat everyday like we’re friends. but whenever something related to our past relationship comes up, I feel alright to talk about it, but he says it’s awkward and mostly stays silent. Then I feel a bit hurt when he says that, so I stopped initiating conversations. Then, he started to continue the conversation and asks me questions. it seems like we’re talking just as before, except we don’t express our feelings to each other. he told me he’s happy we’re able to have “normal” conversations because he enjoys talking with me. but for me, when I talk to him, I expect more than friends, and I don’t know what he expects from this. and when I told him since we’re not seeing each other anymore, I will go back to my home country as soon as I finish my study, he proposed to see me one more time before I go. I don’t know what he really expect us to be, and I don’t know how to handle these. If I cut him out of my life, I will lose a good friend, and when he finally finds a job, we will already be strangers. But, if we keep talking to each other like how we are now, I feel it’s hard for both of us to move on. just like the first time when we broke up, we talked like friends, didn’t expect to see again, but then we got back 6 months later. How should I deal with our situation now?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t confuse yourself: He’s not your friend, and he’s definitely not your [i]good friend[/i]. 😕 He’s a man you dated and broke up with. You’re a woman who wants more than he does. He’s keeping you around out of guilt or just in case….. and you’re hoping to stick around and convince him to date you again. The problem is that this isn’t friendship, primarily because it’s not honest. The more you try to be friends with a man — which doesn’t work, as you can see — the more you’re going to confuse yourself, and waste time trying to leverage the friendship into something else.

I know you want him to feel differently and behave differently than he does, but it’s wiser to accept who he is, and move on to find a man who wants to date you. 😉

I hope that helps!

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