[MRK7421]

Hello

I am new to this forum.

I heard April on the LOVE LUST AND LAUGHTER show on Progressive Radio Network. There was quite a bit of good insight on that show, so thanks to April for that.

Anyway my situation is this, I met someone who I really like who lives 400 miles away from me. I actually met her over a year ago and SHE got back in touch with me. When I went back to visit her in her area ( I was working there) we did spend quite a bit of time together and I must say I like her quite a bit.

I also let her know it, which in a sense puts me a bit in the “nice guys finish last” category.

Though we do stay in touch, I don’t really get much feedback from her about our situation. She is not the kind of person who lets you know where you stand with her. But nevertheless she does keep coming back around and when we talk we generally have good discussions and it generally goes well. We also share a common interest in music, and played and sang together every day that I was with her. So I got to see a taste of the kind of life I would like to live with another person.

My feeling is …. this might not be forever but the good parts were sure good. It’s kind of hard to let go of that.

OK… my head is now on the block . Fire away!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for the kind words, first of all! 😀

In terms of your post, let me know a little bit more about your situation. I understand you met a woman who lives in another state a year ago, and you’ve been in touch. Have you asked her out on a date?

[MRK7421]

Yes….as I stated in the second paragraph, I have spent some time with her on two separate weekends. We played a lot of music and went out dancing with a bunch of her friends to some old time country music ( she lives in Idaho) , which was actually quite memorable.

We did not get together until about a year after we met. We did have quite a few phone conversations over the course of several months, then didn’t talk for a while and then she got back in touch with me.

I am very attracted to her and I know she finds me interesting on a lot of levels but here is the thing. She has been in rural environments all of her life. I on the other hand have spent time in large cities like L.A. , New York, London and now Portland Oregon.

The best I can say this is that I see a huge difference in the way people communicate in her world versus mine. In her world men want to dominate her and while I can see that she doesn’t like that and it doesn’t work for her, she is also not used to someone like me who actually likes to discuss what is going on between us. And while I try to explain to her the things that I like about her, she doesn’t seem to have a very easy time letting me know what it is about me that made her get back in touch with me.

Plus this long distance thing is probably not the easiest thing for her or me. Yet for myself it still has value because I really like her and it lights up my day to hear from her.

I guess I am attracted to her because she is so different and then as women go she is just about what I like to see. She is aware of how I feel about her.

I think the hard part for me is that she is far away and that she is a lot slower to process this whole thing than I am.

I think in general women are a bit more cautious about a situation like this. I think she is more practical and realistic about it. I, on the other hand miss her quite a bit and have more of a need to stay in contact than she does.

She is pretty damn hard to forget so now I am dealing with this.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your question isn’t really clear here….

And I think it’s because you aren’t sure what you want. Are you looking for a wife? A long-term, monogamous relationship? To play the field?

If you know what you want, then you can decide if she fits the bill or not. Right now, I just hear you musing about her, without really being clear what you’re looking for. And as long as you’re not clear what you’re looking for, you’re going to be unclear about your feelings for her.

In fact, I know you think you answered my question about dating her, by referring to your second paragraph, but you really haven’t been clear. Spending time with a friend is different than dating a woman you’re interested in having a relationship with. 😉 Dating is deliberate time spent, just the two of you, getting to know each other, while having fun, and deciding if this is someone you want to continue to pursue. It’s about you both being clear that you’re going on a date. There are parameters that usually include picking her up or meeting her somewhere where there is a table cloth and utensils or a movie and popcorn, or two tickets to an event that has a curtain going up and down or a ball and a couple of teams playing each other! 😉

When people spend a lot of time talking about the other person, it’s often because they don’t know what they want and are avoiding focusing on themselves by distracting themselves with the other person. You have to decide if you want a long distance relationship with someone who’s more provincial than you are and possibly less sophisticated — or not!

If you can get clear on what [i]you[/i] want, you’ll be able to know whether she’s someone you want to (continue to?) date or not. 😀

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