[Bravechicken]

Hi there,
I’m not really sure what I am trying to accomplish posting this, I guess I just want to feel better.

Lets start this off by me thinking we were going to get married. Two months before the final storm he wanted me to pick out engagement rings and we were planning on moving in together. We had so much fun and I loved him so much but he would go to this dark place…

I wouldn’t say we had a rocky relationship, and the background is that I am 30 and he is 29, i have a great job and even my masters degree.

But he was untrusting of me for absolutely no reason at all, thought I cheated on him with a coworker because he was delusional. This was about a year into our relationship. It was really hard for me since I didn’t cheat and did everything in my power to voice that. Basically someone made a joke at a party that I laughed at and he thought it was in reference to me cheating, which it was not. He took it as a slap in the face and reason to treat me poorly for the next year. He would go from these highs to lows and still think I was a cheater (I found this note that he wrote to confront me about how can he trust after I’ve cheated). He would tell me that I don’t deserve to be treated nice. I broke up with him two times before because I just couldn’t take it anymore. When I tried to work it out once he came over, came onto me, and without getting into detail was compleately disrespectful then grabbed all his things, including some of our mutual stuff, left, then called me and said that he was driving around in the area but waited for me to call….should he come back. I told him no, I literally thought he may hurt me.

I always thought things would get better but out of the blue he would be pissed at me. He wanted to set me up with a polygraph. When he would get mad it would just be verbal abuse…I’m such an idiot, I’m stupid, I’m a lier, “hope he was worth US”, s**t, bimbo, b**ch, you get it. He said I wasted his time and that he got rid of everything that had to do with me so there was no trace.

Even though I’m now seeing this as an emotionally abusing relationship and I broke up with him three times, it’s still someone that I loved for several years and for them to hate me just makes me sad. I thought breaking up with them the first two times would get their act together and this is the first time it’s for real. I wanted to be friends so I contacted them the other day and they were extreamly cruel to me again. He also mentioned how his new girlfriend thinks he is so loving….which crushed me. Found out he was “official”with this new girl exactly one month after we broke up…isn’t that too soon? I also found out that he was official with this girl and booty texted me a week after they were officially GF BF. what’s more is I was invited over to his house for holiday a week before they became official.

I know I dodged a bullet here and that I need to move on and be happy. But it makes me feel bad knowing that he moved on so fast and can’t. A friend showed me a picture of them…it put me back into day one of the breakup. I just don’t know how to feel better. I can’t work or sleep, all I see is them in my head. The thing that gets me is how fast he moved on…we met online so I know they met online and when we met I think he was still in a relationship. So I think he met her while we were still in a relationship, started to be all mean again so I would call it off to give him the green light to date. He literally told me that he “wait until we are split up to date someone else” so he had to have met her when we were serious. So why am I so upset knowing my jerk past has moved on? How can I move on?

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]So why am I so upset knowing my jerk past has moved on? How can I move on?[/quote]

You’re upset that he moved on because you’re not ready to move on, and you want him to be in the same place you are. In fact, that’s what led to the ultimate break up for you — you ignored all the warning signs that this relationship had no future — and wanted him to be on the same page you were on over and over again. That’s not the way to date smart or to find Mr. RIght. 😳 I think that once you realize this and really process it, you’ll not only be able to start to move on, you’ll be ready to find someone who is a compatible match for you!

Moving on requires you to realize you can’t be friends with him, and to focus on your future, not your past. But just focusing on it isn’t enough. You have to move towards and it and start behaving in ways that are future forward. Start taking care of yourself, and getting out there and be friendly, flirtatious, and open to Mr. RIght. 😉

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[Lune David]

This broke my heart to read, because this is exactly what emotional abuse looks like when you’re inside it and can’t see it clearly yet. 💔

He didn’t “move on fast” because he healed — he moved on fast because he never took responsibility for his behavior. People who jump relationships that quickly are running, not winning.

The jealousy, the name-calling, the control, the disrespect… that wasn’t love, that was fear and insecurity dressed up as a relationship. You didn’t lose him — you got your life back.

AskApril is right: you’re hurting because you wanted him to finally be on the same page, not because he was right for you. Healing starts when you stop checking his chapter and start writing your own.

Wishing you peace, strength, and real love ahead. Happy New Year from my side — may this be the year you choose yourself.

[Member]

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