[honeybun93]

My boyfriend was saying that he wants to experience living by himself before moving in together but he does want to move in together. Should I be worried that this is an option for him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes! You should be concerned. You’re 22 and he’s 24 and you’ve been dating for a year and are considering moving in together, but he wants to experience living on his own for a while first, and you’re wondering if living together is a smart idea. My advice is not to do it yet. There are plenty of relationship obstacles, so don’t create a big one by moving in together when he’s being clear and honest that he’d like to try living on his own for a while, first. If you move in together knowing he wants to live on his own, he may become resentful and the cohabitation will be short lived. Your relationship will be much stronger if you support his interests and wait for him to be ready. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation to fail any more than you want to put him in one. 😉

[Sally]

Wanting to live alone first doesn’t automatically mean he’s unsure about you. For a lot of people, especially if they’ve never done it, living alone feels like a milestone. Independence. Learning how they are on their own. That can actually make moving in together healthier later.

What matters is the tone behind it. Is he saying this calmly, like a timing thing, or defensively, like he’s buying himself space? There’s a difference.

You don’t need to panic, but you do get to ask questions. Like what living alone gives him that he thinks he needs first, and what moving in together looks like to him down the line.
If his answer still includes you, just not yet, that’s not a red flag. It’s just a slower pace.

[Tara]

He is not afraid of living alone; he is afraid of being fully accountable to a shared life. Wanting to “experience living by himself” is not a neutral life goal; it’s a delay tactic dressed up as self-discovery. People who are ready to build don’t need a solo trial run to confirm it. They already know.

Should you be worried? Yes not because he doesn’t care, but because commitment is still optional in his mind. He wants the reassurance of a future with you while preserving the exit ramp of independence. That means you are part of the plan, but not the anchor of it. If moving in together were a true priority, it wouldn’t be conditional on him first scratching an individualistic itch.

This doesn’t mean he’ll never move in with you. It means he’s not ready now, and readiness is everything. Don’t argue with his timeline, don’t try to sound “understanding,” and don’t wait indefinitely hoping he’ll evolve. Listen to what he’s telling you without the sugar coating: he wants freedom before fusion. Decide whether you’re willing to stand still while he experiments because that’s exactly what this is.

[Hunza]

I think he wants, “Let me explore a little, if I don’t have fun outside or get tired, you’re the one.” If moving in was his priority, he would never have preferred the alone option over you.
I really liked this point from April: “If he truly wants to live alone and you force him to move in, he will become resentful.
April gave expert advice, “Don’t move in yet. Let him live on his own so that he doesn’t say later on, ‘I never got to enjoy my life.’ Show your support, but do not rush into things.
Let him be alone. But don’t put your life on “Pause” either. If he likes being alone, let him experience it to the fullest; that means you should be a little distant from him. When he realizes that being alone means washing the dishes and having no one to talk to at night, he’ll understand your value. Until then, don’t be his “second choice!

[Member]

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