My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 11 months now. We are both in college and go to separate schools, although they’re only separated by 5 miles or so, so seeing each other a couple times a week is a regular thing.
Here’s where it gets interesting. She was raised a Christian, per-say, and I was raised Christian-orthodox, although with my immigration to America I became Catholic. She has always thought that saving sex for marriage was the best choice for her and I agreed. I never pressured her into it and never forced her into doing something she wasn’t ready for. So when she actually wanted to have sex with me, about four months into the relationship, I asked her if she was sure many times. I didn’t want her to regret her decision. Regardless, since then we’ve been having steady sex whenever we see each other.
She goes to a Baptist Christian college and rooms with three girls that are super religious. So doing anything sexual at her place would be extremely risky and awkward if we were to get caught. I go to a different religious university that doesn’t allow girls to ever enter the men’s dorm. So the location is a problem as well. We never have any place to do it, besides a car or we rent a hotel room for the night (although that can get pricey very quickly).
When we do rent a hotel room, maybe once a month at most, about two to three days afterwards she texts me saying she’s in a “strange mood” and that she loves sex and sexual things with me but feels as though we shouldn’t be doing them. She says that she’s always longed for a boyfriend/husband that will wait for her and wanted to reciprocate the feeling to her boyfriend/husband. I understand where she’s coming from, her religion pretty much outlaws any sexual activity until marriage.
The issue I’m having is this: the off-times that we do have sex I feel terrible because I know she’s going to have a mood swing in a few days and tell me how we’re not supposed to be doing the things that we did. I hate putting her into that situation, but I’m afraid if I try to live without sex cold turkey the relationship will lose passion, at least from my end. We already have a hard time not seeing each other as much as we want to during the weeks we’re at school, and the fact that we never have sex or any sexual activity also makes it difficult for me to remain happy.
I just don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to keep her happy because I truly love her – in that case I can remove any sexuality from the relationship and see how long that will last. The other part of me asks “Why does it matter if it already happened?”. Meaning, why does she regret doing all the things we’re doing if she already lost her virginity to me? Shouldn’t she just enjoy it and stop worrying about it? It’s probably not as easy as I’m making this sound, but regardless, I’m confused.
Any constructive help would be appreciated. Thanks!
