[BEP]

[b]Ok, here it goes i dated a woman for 5 months before her mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.So my question is should I get back with her. Her mom is done with treatment and is better now.Five months is a long time of not seeing her.I hung on tight with her during rough time that she was going through.And now i have another woman that’s interested in me.I made plans with her on the 17th.Well she told me i could of met someone else so i did before we got back together. How would i tell her that i met someone else.She told me she still loves me and misses me allot.And also I still love her and miss her. She cannot believe its been so long since she saw me.It was july 2nd the last time we saw each other.I just don’t know what to do with the other woman that’s interested in me.But the one i have seen has two daughters.And the other one has no kids and around my age.i don’t wanna mess up with this other one that i’ve been kind of seeing through the last five months.And also stayed in touch with each other during those long 5 months on facebook.[/b]

[Ask April Masini]

Your post is a little confusing. Can you go back and fill in the blanks for me?

[quote]Ok, here it goes i dated a woman for 5 months before her mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.So my question is should I get back with her. [/quote]

Sorry — what does her mom having a lung cancer diagnosis have to do with your getting back with her. Did you break up? If so when?

[quote].Five months is a long time of not seeing her.[/quote]

I’m confused. You said you dated her for 5 months. Now you’re saying you haven’t seen her in 5 months. Huh? 😯

[quote]And now i have another woman that’s interested in me.I made plans with her on the 17th.Well she told me i could of met someone else so i did before we got back together. [/quote]

Who is “she” in the last sentence? The new woman? THe old one with the mother who had lung cancer? You got back together?? 😯 When?

[quote].She told me she still loves me and misses me allot.And also I still love her and miss her. [/quote]

Wait — you miss her? You just said you got back together with her. I’m really confused. Please go back and re-write this post here on this thread, but be more clear about the details. And tell me your ages.

[BEP]

Well, I’m 31 and shes 35. And we dated five months before her mom was diagnoised with lung cancer.It got to a point where she had no choice to take a break from me from dating in general because she had to take care of her mom and 2 daughters and work full time.She told me she felt bad because she pushed me away when that happened.I made plans with another woman this saturday and she has no kids and shes 30. I can tell she missed me allot she coudled with me when I sat down with her. we even kissed a couple of times and hugged before i left her house.She told me she never stopped caring about me during the 5 monthsof not seeing eachother.And also she told me i could of met someone else but I didnt yet in person i mean.

[Ask April Masini]

Okay — I think I’ve got it. 😀 Thanks for bringing me up to speed.

I guess the looming question is why your girlfriend of five months had to break up with you — or take a break from you — at all, just because her mom had lung cancer. 😯 Lots of times in relationships, a family member or even one of the two people in the relationship get sick — and running away isn’t a great quality. In fact, sometimes things like cancer or other tragedy brings people closer together. That she chose to shut you out rather than draw you closer isn’t a good sign for a future mate.

My advice is to let go and see if there’s a relationship worth pursuing with this new woman. 😉

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[BEP]

Well, one thing i forgot was that she lost her dad to a heart attack when she was 26. And her dad was only 51. I told her that i’ll be there for her through thick and thin. She’s having minor surgery tomorrow. And i get to see her the day after she has the surgery.So is that a good sign for a future mate or not? Because I’ve got make sure she wont pull the same crap on me again.And also she was scared of losing her mom.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]She’s having minor surgery tomorrow. And i get to see her the day after she has the surgery.So is that a good sign for a future mate or not? [/quote]

Maybe…. but it’s not a sure thing.

Please follow me @AskApril.com on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[BEP]

I’ve dated my girlfriend for 5 months before her mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.I did not see her for 5 months but we did stay in contact during that time.I understand she had to be there for her mom. And she has only one parent left. So, I really want be with her through it all. What if she pulls me through that again and her mom has a set back and then what. I’m left with achey heart again.I still love her and everything about her. She didnt mean to break it off and drag me through that. She even apologized to me a few times. She was really scared of losing her mom.Im tryig to be more clear she might be the one for me. I only have so much time to find a woman to be with ya know.i want to get married eventually and im going to be 32 in a few months.We are exchanging xmas presents when i back from my trip.

[grusla]

3If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world.” – Emmet Fox

this is the saying i agree to. i loved and really felt like i could do everything. more than that – i knew how to do it.

[Ask April Masini]

Thanks for the update, [b]BEP[/b]. Do you have a question?

[BEP]

My quesation is she the one for me after we’ve been through together. I guess it was best to take a break from everything going on and it was understandable. Something was bothering her at the time.Her mom even missed me and hoping things workout this time.

[Ask April Masini]

I think that the underlying problem here is that you’re in a rush to find “the one” and you’re wanting to know if after five months of dating and five months of absence if this woman is the woman you should marry because at nearly 32, you’re feeling the clock ticking and want to be at a certain place in your life — in this case, heading for the aisle.

This underlying pressure to find a wife is causing you to take risks (or ask me to be your crystal ball 😉 ) that you wouldn’t if you didn’t feel pressed. Here’s my advice:

Slow down — and date smart. It’s great that you have a goal for yourself in your personal life (marriage), but choosing the wrong woman and choosing hastily because of self-imposed pressure, could be disastrous and lead you right back to where you started.

I’m still stuck on the idea that after dating for five months, your girlfriend’s mother’s illness drove her away from you. I understand that she’s a single mother of two and had to take care of her daughters, her mother and her job, but she had the option of pulling you in closer — not pushing you away. My guess is that if she asked you to pitch in in some way to help, or to see her less frequently during that rough time — but still to see her to offer comfort, support, companionship, and all the other things couples do for each other during tough times — you’d have been with her for ten months by now, and not finding yourself choosing between her, wondering if she’s right, and having another woman in the mix to choose from.

What would happen if you’re married to her, and one of her daughters required intense and special care? Would she push you away again? That’s the question you have to ask yourself. It’s very easy to have a relationship when everything is shiny and new, but when you go through crises together, you get to see people’s true colors. What you’ve been given is actually a gift of information on how she handles stress.

If you’re willing to have the same thing happen again somewhere down the line, then you should give it a try, but if you think that during a crisis she’s going to behave differently than what you’ve just experienced, you’re fooling yourself.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😉

[BEP]

To answer to ur question above. One of her daughters went to the ER a couple of times she didnt push me away at that time while we dated.But atleast shes there for her daughters and me during that time. She knows how to multitask.I dont how she finds time to actually do that.But they’re gorwn up they’re toddlers ya know. One daughter is 11 and the other is 13.And she wants to have another kid probably a boy though.So that way they have a brother.

[Ask April Masini]

Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Ethan Morales]

You had a genuine connection with your ex. You dated her for 5 months, and during that time, she went through something incredibly heavy her mother’s cancer diagnosis. You stayed supportive and emotionally available. That says a lot about your character and how much you cared for her. But, because her life was consumed by her mom’s illness, your relationship couldn’t really grow normally. The pause wasn’t because you stopped loving each other it was because life got in the way.

You’ve now met someone else while waiting. That’s completely natural. Five months is a long time, especially when there was no clarity about whether you and your ex were truly together or on hold. You didn’t cheat you moved on, even if a small part of you was still emotionally connected to her. It sounds like the new woman has been consistent, and you’ve started to build something steady, even if it’s early.

Your ex resurfaced now that her mom is better. Now that her world has calmed down, she probably has space to think about you. Her emotions make sense when she says she still loves and misses you, it’s probably real. But keep in mind: nostalgia and gratitude for your support during her darkest time can feel like love, even if what she really misses is the comfort and stability you gave her.

The real decision: who fits your present and future, not your past. Ask yourself: are you drawn to your ex because of what you once had, or because you truly see a future together after all that’s happened? People change under emotional stress sometimes for the better, sometimes not.
With the new woman, your connection is probably lighter, easier, and more in the present. You don’t have the same emotional history, but that also means you don’t carry emotional baggage.

How to tell your ex about the new woman: Be honest but kind. You could say: “I care about you deeply, and I’ll always appreciate what we had. The truth is, while we weren’t seeing each other, I started getting to know someone new. I didn’t expect it, but it happened naturally. I don’t want to hurt you or mislead either of you, so I need a little time to figure out what’s best for everyone including me.” This shows compassion without making false promises.

My honest advice? Don’t rush to get back together just because she resurfaced. Let time do the sorting. Keep your plans with the new woman it’s okay to explore where that goes. Then take a week or two of quiet thought before making any big choices. If your heart keeps circling back to your ex even after spending time with the new woman, that’ll tell you something. But if you feel lighter and happier moving forward, that’s your answer too.

[PassionSeeker]

You sound like someone with a really good heart you stuck by her when things were hard, and that says a lot. But love isn’t just about how much we care; it’s also about how two people handle life together.

What stands out is that when things got tough, she shut down and pulled away instead of leaning on you. That’s not a small thing it shows how she copes under pressure. If she did it once, it’s possible she’ll do it again when life gets heavy. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person just that she may not know how to share her struggles within a relationship.

Before jumping back in, slow down. See how she behaves now that things are calmer. Is she more open? Communicative? Does she want to rebuild, or is she just nostalgic?

And about the new woman don’t rush into guilt or obligation. You’re allowed to explore what feels right for you. Give yourself space to decide which connection feels healthier long-term.

[Author]

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