[JenniferLynne]

I need to get this out, and I didn’t know where else to go… I live in an apartment a couple hours from home (I’m only 20 but I have an internship so I’m not at home). My mom and I always had a close relationship but she has always had an awful drinking problem. Lately, it has gotten worse (one of the main reasons I left home).

In December, I overheard my (married) mom saying something to her coworker about some guy… And her coworker looked up at me and told my mom to be quiet (obviously something I wasn’t supposed to be hearing). That is what sparked my suspicions. Also, her constant texting (which had never occurred before) and her new Facebook under a different name (and her maiden name).

I went home this weekend, and at one point I saw her phone on the counter and she wasn’t at the house. It was not my intention to look at her phone, I wanted to look at the time so I pushed some button and it opened a text. I have never been so horrified. I do not know what to do. Basically, it was complete proof of all my suspicions. My mom is having an affair, and she has been for at least a month and a half. I tried to tell my siblings, but they don’t want to know anything (I don’t blame them, I wish I didn’t know anything either).

She has no idea that I know, but yesterday when I left to head back to my apartment I kissed my dad goodbye and didn’t even look at her. I just left. She never texted me to see if I got back okay so I can see I’m already burning the bridge, which is just fine with me.

Have you ever seen a situation like this? A 20-year old finding out about her still-married mother’s lover? I need help dealing with this. I should probably add: my mom has been telling me since I was about 7 years old that she wanted to divorce my dad when I graduated high school… I’ve been wanting them to get divorced for a long long time. I miss seeing them happy. Thank you for letting me get this out…

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry about the way your mom is handling things. 😳 The good news is that you sound like you are mature enough and you have a lot going for you, so that you will get through this. My advice is to focus on your own life and don’t try to fix your mother’s life. It’s easy for adult children — and minor aged children — to try and “fix” their parents. It’s also tragic, because they shouldn’t and they can’t.

The very best thing you can do is to try and live a healthy life on your own. Having an apartment of your own, an internship, and a adult life of your own to look forward to and to build, is what I’d like to see you focus on. If you need to take a break from going to the house to see your parents, then allow yourself that. You need to take care of you, first and foremost.

I hope that helps. And if you’re feeling blue, you might want to rent the movie, The Descendants, starring George Clooney, that has the same theme you’re living, in a film format.

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[JenniferLynne]

Thank you so much for your help and understanding… And I watched that movie as soon as you recommended it; it was great! I think what I really needed to hear was reassurance that taking time apart from her wasn’t selfish; so I very much appreciate your response 🙂 I may be writing again, depending on what happens with my situation… Until then, take care!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

[Member]

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