[AlwaysConfused]

Hi. First time posting. My apologies if discussing “sex” at all here in inappropriate..although I think I should be fine within the context.

Recently started dating a lady though online ventures. Things escalated pretty quickly. Very intimate first date, (park and car) sex on second and third at my place (although she did not sleep over). This is all in course of a month.

Although we have an obvious mutual attraction, over the month there has been limited communication between us. She is very slow in responding to texts and rarely initiates. I purposely will do the same, based on past advice. Whatever flirting is extremely mild, and done by me and not frequent. Note I intentionally keep back with any outrageous flirting as she on multiple times has stated how she has never had sex only after a second date. I don’t want to give her an impression that “this” is only what I’m after (because really, it’s not). Note also the woman really does appear conservative. I mean she’s a Catholic school teacher.

It is obvious I’m in the midst of a casual relationship here. She is sort of a hottie so I expect she probably dates others. I very much would like to get to know this person better, and at very least keep the casual fling going.

I made some plans with her for an outing doing activities she very much likes. I adjusted my personal calendar for this date after she accepted (this is a busy month and needed to arrange to “fit her in”). However in in interim, three days before she texts me she has to cancel and just simply states “I’m sorry to disappoint you”. No specific reasons or elaborations, I responded that it is disappointing considering the finagling I had to do w my calendar to fit her in.

She has not responded to this text (now a day and a half…however this person is always slow to respond. I have not texted anything else in fears of saying something stupid or scaring her off.

May I add that the sex was good. She even said so to me unprovoked right afterwards. I refuse to believe any of my circumstance has anything to do with me being lame in bed because that is not the case!!!

Am I dealing with a game, or “test”? How should I act or respond in this circumstance to maximize chances of getting to know her better? Note we are both middle aged.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She didn’t respond because there was nothing to respond to. Texting is great for setting up meetings or shooting each other short messages, but if you want to date her, you have to mix it up and take the lead. Call her on the phone to talk. Send her flowers. Ask her out on a date to do something really fun — and if she cancels, tell her you’re really sorry you’re not going to see her — and leave out the part about how you had to juggle your schedule around….. it makes it seem like you’re annoyed that she inconvenienced you, instead of that you’re going to miss her. 😉

[Member]

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