[Rayito]

I’ve been using an online dating site and want to be smart in my email exchanges with men. I’m uncertain as to how I should respond to the following message without sounding too available. I prefer him to ask me for my phone number instead of emailing back and forth. What do you suggest I do? Thank you for your time!! -Rayito

Here is the email

[b]Cheers.

Hi “insert my name”!
I’m a little embarrassed now… sorry for being silly haha. Sometimes I’m just clueless… =P
My name is “insert name”, but most people call me just “name”. Thanks for your new year’s wishes. I’m excited about 2012, I know this year gonna be a great year!
So, “my name” / “my username” (what a nice screen name! I can’t get enough of it!) how much do you still have in gradschool? I’ve always been curious about how the human mind can be influenced for the good, and the importance of good parenthood with children. My professional field is something completely different, I’m an IT Project Manager, so I have no education on your subject. I just think it’s very noble what you decided to commit your time, energy, and resources on. There’re a lot of people in need out there. So what do you want to do once you get your degree? Where do you want to work? If you don’t know that’s fine, I remember that when I finished grad school there was a time when I just didn’t have a clue… I even considered turning 180 degrees and becoming a scuba diving instructor!?!?!
Anyway, I hope you’re ready to go back to school. Please keep in touch.
Cheers!
-” ——-his name “

PS. Please, if you have some free time, write to me as much as you can. I would like to know more about you.
[/b]

***NOTE: He said he was being silly at the beginning because he asked me for my name and I provided it for him in the previous email. Also, my messages have been very very brief (like the “Rules”) recommend.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I completely agree with you — you want to make sure you find a date — not an online pen pal. Some people use the internet to avoid real life and spend entirely too much time “dating” online and not enough time in real life. So, it would help to know how many exchanges you’ve had with him. After about six or eight, if you find yourself just trading day to day banalities, and there’s no evidence that things are moving forward (he asks for your phone number or invites you to go out on a date) then it’s time to let go and realize that this guy is either someone who’s avoiding real life, or he’s not sure you’re his type, or he’s really into collecting online friends, not using the internet to meet real life dates.

On the other hand, it sounds like he’s really trying to get to know you here. He wants to know about your work, and he’s trying to establish your character through his questions. The GREAT thing about online dating is that you can weed out inappropriate dates by doing your “editing” online before investing in a real life date. So make sure you’re not racing to the finish line — only to forget what it is you’re trying to win in the race. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Rayito]

April,

To answer your question, he has emailed me 3 times.

These were our first email exchanges:

#1
[b]“username”,
I read your profile and saw ur pics. So, let me put it this way, if I saw you in a museum, park, coffee shop, yoga class or bar I would go and talk to you. You seem like a legit woman. I like your style. I joined bigbrotherbigsister last year. I like it but I’ve never helped people with addictions.
Check my profile and let me know if you want to connect ok?
Cheers![/b]

[i][b]Hey there,
Thank you for the sweet compliment. Big Brothers Big Sister is a great
organization. How has your experience been with them thus far?

Feel free to e-mail me and we can chat/talk more.
Wishing you a great day 🙂
“My name”[/b][/i]

#2
[b]Hi “username”,
Thanks for your message. BB has been a fulfilling experience. I like to think that I can give a little back to the community. Can you tell me your real name “Username”? I really like “username”, don’t take me wrong. I think it’s very sweet.
I wanted to wish you a great beginning of 2012. Even though we haven’t met in person something tells me that you’re a very nice girl. Enjoy your new years eve with your loved ones and we talk again soon ok?
Cheers and a big hug to you.[/b]

**The next email he sent was the one I included in my first post. Your response did help Thank you! My question is, since in the last one he was asking to write as much as I could…what do I say? I don’t want to be his pen pal like you mentioned. Should I give him my number? Maybe say, “If you’d like to get to know me better you can give me a call sometime.” (But I won’t include my number then have him ask for it?)

Thank you so much April! I know this is a long post!

-Rayito

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s written you three times, but you’ve only written back once. 😕 You’re not really giving him anything to chase after if this is true.

I highly recommend you read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can buy it here as an automatic download: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], or on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon. I suggest the automatic download so you can start reading tonight.

I find that the compilation of advice in Think & Date Like A Man is really the best advice for dating. You’ll learn all the tools you need for getting the guy. What you’re doing isn’t working. This guy needs to know that there’s actually something to chase here! DON’T give him your phone number. He hasn’t asked for it! 😯

Let me know what you think of the book, and if it helps you with this process. 😀

And…. please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Rayito]

Okay, thank you. I”ll definitely check out your book 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great! And good luck. 😀

[Member]

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