You didn’t really say what you want — you just reported the facts. Do you want to stay married, or do you want to leave your marriage? This is important for you to figure out (quickly). Affairs don’t happen in a vacuum. They happen because there are problems in a marriage and you are wanting to feel things that you aren’t feeling in the marriage. So if you want out of the marriage, this is a great opportunity to either tell your wife you want out, or to let the chips fall where they may, and leave as the drama unfolds.
If, however, you do want to stay in your marriage, then you should diffuse the situation by telling your wife what’s happened. This will take the power away from your girlfriend, who has threatened to harm your marriage. Your wife may take some comfort in the fact that there was no sex — but she will be very hurt by the rest of it, and you’ll have an opportunity, if she’s willing to stay, to repair your marriage.
So, decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not, and then I think you need to choose one of the options, above.
I hope that helps.
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