[BalThaZar]

ok so here’s the deal… first of all I am 22 and my girlfriend is 35 with two kids that live with us, a 6 year old and a 14 year old… My girlfriend recently went out for a ride with her ex on his motorcycle and has now been talking to him and going out on rides with him (ones that last a couple of hours just to go 5 minutes down the road) ever since. To me it has felt as if she has been growing distant from me and closer and closer with him and that they have been constantly flirting back and forth and all that jazz. Well despite her reassuring me that there is nothing between them besides the fact that they have been friends for 12 years now and that they haven’t been flirting or that neither of them wants the other (which I KNEW was a load of bs just based on the way he talks to her and looks at her), I have not yet been able to shake this uneasy feeling that there is something more to it then that and that she is hiding something, that feeling was further increased by the fact that when she is chatting with him she hides the chat when I am near and waits till I can’t see anymore to open it back up and the fact that she has been clearing out the inbox and the sentbox on the phone after she talks to him, which is something that she NEVER used to do, and how before when she was talking to an ex or any other guy she would ALWAYS want me to see what all was said just so that if there was anything said about it I would know already what was said and nobody could start something up, which she refuses to do with him. so here I am now still unable to shake this feeling sitting here doing nothing while she is once again out with him and (I know this sounds REALLY bad or wrong of me or however you want to see it) she has left while still being logged into facebook, It took me about an hour of debating and trying to get the courage to find out the truth but I have finally looked and the result of checking it has done nothing but solidify that uneasy feeling and turn it into knowledge of a fact. I have now found out that not only does he want her but she is telling him that she wants him and and wants him to “hold me longer the next time we hug because that was so nice” doesn’t want to lose him from her life, along with telling him that she has made a mistake by falling for me and letting her kids fall for me (which I believe that the kids are pretty much the only reason she won’t leave me btw) and even after I sent her an extremely long message on facebook (we live together and all but I just can’t bring myself to talk about things like this face to face, call me a pussy if you want I don’t care) telling her how much I love her and how even the mere thought of losing her scares the shit out of me she is telling him that she thinks that I am getting ready to leave her (I have reassured her time and time again that I am never planning on leaving her, which I’m really not) which leads me to believe that she is thinking of either leaving me and telling everyone that I left her or she is trying to get me to leave her so she doesn’t have to be the one to do (again I’m not planning on that, especially now considering as far as I know she will not cheat no matter what so if that is the case I’m not going to let her be with him or whatever (I’m really not even sure myself about my logic on this one). Earlier on this week I had posed the question to her asking her if the roles were reversed and I had a female friend that I was going out on bike rides and disappearing for hours on end and constantly talking to her be it on the phone or facebook If it would not cause her to have uneasy disturbing thoughts and feelings and her response to that was and I quote “i might but if i trusted you and you you weren’t dissappearing all the time when you talked then i may not really worry ( which i am not doing) and about going on rides then no i wouldnt think anything enless you were gone all night an i hadn’t heard anything from you” (just copied and pasted her response there). Again I know this to be bs because on more than one occasion me and my MALE friend went out (walking to the store for her or going to town to hang out or going to the bar, whatever it may have been we were doing) and she would call me every half an hour or so and “check on me”, which I later found out was stretching the truth when she informed me that she was worried that we had run off and met some girls and whatnot (some of the times we would only be gone for a half hour and yet the same thing) and this is all with a MALE friend who I see as my brother. She is now going to be going out with him again this saturday to a pottery show/wine tasting and while she has reassured me that she would NEVER do anything with another guy or go out on a date or anything line that (and again this may not have been the right thing for me to do but I don’t know what else to do) I looked through the texts on the phone the other day after she told me about their plans only to find a message from him talking about he is going to take her out on a REAL date and then a few messages later he was saying something along the lines of good it’s a date then I’m glad (not word for word but pretty close, the its a date part is exactly what he said though)… and on a few occasions when I have had my headphones in my ears but didn’t have the music playing I wound up overhearing her end of phone conversations and (I guess since she figured I was listening to music and couldn’t hear what she was saying) she lowered her voice and told him that she has feelings for him too (god only knows what he had said in return) after he said something she said something along the lines of yea some of them are that kind of feelings. On another occasion I had walked away to go turn in a job application while she sat and waited on the bus and when I got back she was talking to him yet again when he heard me say something to her and asked who it was and she told him it was me he said something to which she replied yea I think he knows (she tried to tell me it was something about her oldest son, yet again more bs considering they were talking about me for the several minutes after I got to the bus stop and no mention of her son at all during the entire duration of the conversation afterwards). She wound up sending me a message that was supposedly sent to her from one of her friends (even more bs, there was not one single message in her inbox asking this same question, again probably wrong of me but she’s the one who ran off with him yet again and left her facebook logged in) asking (I’m just going to copy and paste here) “What would you do if you significant other left you?Would you take em back?What if the circomstances were not bad what would you do?Would you give em another chance or would you just act like you never had a relationship with them? What would you do?” to which I replied by telling her that I doubt I’d ever be able to bring myself to take her back or even talk to her anymore but I would still be there for the kids, she responded after that saying “i do love you too id like get married an maybe have another kid. that sounds realo=l good. I hopw that if anything happens that we’d saty in touch that way we could hook back up later if that happened” and another one that saying “ill always love you an ill never forget u either if we ever did split u still want ever lose me ill still be there always thats why id like to staay n touch if that ever happened an besides ur mine damn it lol weather were together or seperated temperrarely” so I told her my thoughts on the whole temporary seperation thing stating that it just sounds like the one suggesting it wants to hook up with someone else but doesn’t want to cheat or leave the other person for good and so she replied to that “i love you im just talking what if there aint nothen been planned ok 🙂 ♥ ♥ 8) im thinking hipotheatical (i know i didnt spell it right but hope u know what i mean) I LOVE YOU i really do never forget that” I know there were several more things I was wanting to add to this but I just can’t think straight anymore so I will leave it at that. This has my mind SERIOUSLY fucked and I am almost having to either force or just straight out pretend that I am happy constantly when all I want to do is scream out of anger and cry out of saddness all at the same time. I’m not sleeping well, I can’t think straight, I want to rip my hair out, basically I’m just lost and confused and scared and really do not know what in the hell to do. I am losing my mind over this. I really do love her and the kids more than the world itself and plan on marrying her and having kids of our own (not just ones from her ex’s) as long as I am wrong about all this. Please help me out with this.

[Ask April Masini]

Do you need a neon sign? Your live in girlfriend who you’re planning to marry 😕 is dating her ex-husband. I don’t understand why you’re pretending that she’s faithful to you or that you’re happy. 😯 Whether or not they’re having sexual intercourse, he’s [i]dating [/i]her! While she’s living with you!

My advice is that you leave and find a woman who wants you and only you and wants to be in the kind of committed relationship that you seem to want. This situation you’re in now will not end well for you. Cut your losses and stop pretending. It’s over. 😳

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