[kristaingram27]

So i dated my ex for 4 months. We broke because of distance, but he told me that once i moved closer we would be official again. I was planning to move closer so I ended up moving, but for school not just for him. First when we broke up the first month we still acted like we were together, and then he started talking to his ex again. They were hanging out all the time and I got really depressed, and lost a lot of weight, and I’m skinny so that wasn’t good. While talking his ex he never broke contact with me, always talked to me and saw me occasionally. When I moved closer things did not get better. He actually met a girl and started dating her about 3 months after I moved there. Things didn’t work out for the two of them and I was there for him the whole time. He also met this other girl (Kylee) the same time he met his ex gf. She was just a friend, but he is always texting her still to this day. It has been a year and 8 months since we broke up. I always bug him about getting back together with me. A few months ago in like June his excuse was he wasn’t over his last ex, and once he was over her he could be with me. Now his excuse is that he is depressed, hates his life, and just isn’t ready. He still feels I should be faithful to him. But i did find out that he lied to me about Kylee. I always hated that he talked to her, and I asked him if he kissed her, or had sex with her and he always told me no. Well I believed him, but the truth came out about 2 months ago that he has had sex with her. So now I have no trust in him, but I do love him. I just want your opinion on this. Is he ever going to be with me again? Should I move on? I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know what to do, or how to go about doing it. Please reply with your opinion I would appreciate it so much. Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little bit first! 😉

1. How old are you both?

2. You said you dated for 4 months, but broke up because of distance. How far apart do you live? Did you date in person? How many times?

I’ll look out for your answers and give you advice as soon as I hear back from you! 🙂

[kristaingram27]

so I am 20 he is 23. we met when I was 18 and he was 21. I was 3 hours away from him. We met online (tinder) lol cause I was within distance from him at the time. He drove up to meet me and we really hit it off and starting dating 3 weeks later and he drove up every weekend to see me for the first few months, and then I drove up to see him. Then we broke up but still continued to see each other. And we haven’t stopped talking since we broke up. Just when he got a gf. But the longest I’ve went without talking to him was a month.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for the extra information. It definitely helps.

So, here’s the thing — first of all, dating is competitive. You have to understand and accept that going in. Just because you like a guy and are dating him for a few months doesn’t mean he’s not dating other people. In fact, he should be — as should you — to make sure you’re with someone you really want to to commit to, before actually committing. 😉 In other words, you should play the field, and expect anyone else you’re dating to be doing the same. This will also keep you from getting depressed that one guy isn’t into you — because you’ll have other guys on your radar, not just one. And, use the first three months of dating anyone to decide if you simply want to continue dating, and the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous or not. Being official shouldn’t really happen before that six monty mark. You can see why from your own experiences.

The next thing you might want to remember is that when you get a guy to chase you and want to win you over, you’re much more likely to have a happy relationship than if you chase him. Even “bugging him about getting back together” is chasing him. 😕 Let him want to win you over, not feel bugged to date you. 😉

And lastly, if you break up with a guy, move on. There’s no reason to be on his radar, or have him on yours…. I think that’s part of the problem. You broke up, but you stayed in touch, and you’re not really dating and you’re not friends, so you’re in this weird limbo that’s making you unhappy. 🙁 I think you should move on. He’s dating other people, and you should be, too.

[kristaingram27]

Thanks for the advice. He just makes it hard because he says that he will be with me when he is ready. I’m starting to date around though to slowly start to move on. But just another question what is your opinion on the 30 day no contact rule?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]He just makes it hard because he says that he will be with me when he is ready.[/quote]

Let’s look at this in a way that it isn’t hard on you. 😉 He’s telling you that he’ll date you when he’s good and ready — but after dating you a little bit, he’s decided he isn’t good and ready now. This means just not that into you. You’re his back burner date in case other things don’t work out or he doesn’t meet someone better than you. 😳 This isn’t a guy who’s into you. If a guy really likes you, he’s going to want to date you — now! Not sometime in the future, maybe. 🙄 You should accept what he’s saying as a rejection and move on — so it’s not hard on you. What’s hard on you is that you’re trying to convince yourself that someday the two of you will be together. I don’t think that’s going to happen. But until you think that, you’re going to be holding out. I think you shouldn’t.

[quote]But just another question what is your opinion on the 30 day no contact rule?[/quote]

If you’re planning to not talk to him for 30 days so that he’ll miss you and want you more….then, that’s great! In fact, I’d make it longer than 30 days, given what you’ve told me. You shouldn’t contact him at all, and if he contacts you, don’t return his calls for a week or so. In the meantime, play the field. If you’re not available, he may find you more attractive, than if you’re always around. 😉

[kristaingram27]

Thank you for the advice l appreciate it the truth sucks but I need to hear it! A year and 8 months is way too long to be strung along. Now should I just stop talking to him cold turkey or do I tell him? What is the best way to go about it

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you can appreciate the truth, and I’m sorry it’s tough to hear — but I’m happy that you’re not going to waste any more of your valuable time allowing yourself to wait around for someone who’s not a viable candidate for a relationship! 🙂 I don’t think you should spend any more time on him. Don’t call. If he calls you, don’t call back. Or you can just text that you’re pretty busy these days and if you want to really nip it in the bud, wish him good luck. That’s code for good bye. Next! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[attachment=0]Relationship_Advice_Expert_April_Masini_Don’t make them your priority, if you’re their option .jpeg[/attachment]

[kristaingram27]

Yeah I went on a date last night and he freaked out and got mad at me. I told him I wasn’t going to chase him anymore and told him good luck

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good for you!

I think you’re going to start treating yourself better, and that’s how you get other people to do the same, by setting the standard. 🙂

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