[neil]

hello,i am neil from india. i have a girlfriend. we both are willingly to stay together for a lifetime. but her parents are opposing. what should i do now?[quote][/quote]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve been dating for over a year, and you’re old enough to decide that you want to marry, then you have to choose between pleasing your families or yourselves. This is a tough decision, and if you do write back, fill us all in a little more on how old you both are, and how long you’ve been dating.

[neil]

we are in a relationship since last 6 months. i am 22 and she is 19. we didn’t wanted to tell about our relationship til my PG. but unfortunately her parents got to know about this. now they want me to meet them with my parents. for the assurance that i will only marry her daughter. i am in trouble. i cant tell to my parents until i get job. but they want my trust. what should i do now?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know what a PG is, but I do know…. You’re 22 years old, and it’s time for you to be honest with your parents even if you may disappoint them. Life isn’t always comfortable. 😉 That’s what growing up is about. And, if you can’t be honest, you’re probably not ready for a serious relationship. You don’t have easy conversations ahead of you, but it’s important that you have them. I’m sure you don’t want to live a life of lies and sneaking around, so this is an opportunity for you to clarify who you are. Someone is going to be disappointed no matter what, so the best thing you can do is to be honest and as clear as you can. And if you’re confused, that’s okay — but admit that you’re confused. Maybe there is a chance that your parents won’t be upset and they’ll be supportive… ?

[neil]

actually the thing is if i tell them about that relationship right now.they won’t support me .because today i am nothing.i have to stand on my own feet. then their might be chances that they will support me. i haven’t completed my education yet. it will take 2 more years. so i have no idea that how to survive in this situation. i am suffering a lot. and i an damn serious about my relationship. please help. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Their not supporting you is not the worst thing in the world. You’re an adult, and there’s nothing wrong with your having to support yourself. 😉 If you choose to take their support, then you have to play by their rules. If you act independently, then you write your own rules. Since you’re over 21, it’s time for you to make some grown up decisions. 😉 It sounds like you’re trying to have it both ways, and you can’t. Decide which is more important to you: their money or your relationship. When you accept that those things are mutually exclusive, you won’t be in so much pain. Right now you’re trying to make them both work out and it sounds like the reality is it’s one or the other.

[neil]

no thats not the point. and its not about money or something else. her parents seeking for my assurance.and they want that assurance by my parents that i won’t cheat their daughter.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I see…. well, then, can you give them that assurance? If you can, then do so. If you can’t, then be honest.

[neil]

yeahh ..that’s what i did. i honestly told them i can’t give that assurance the way you want. and i have accepted the thought that they care about their daughter and can’t push her into a risk.
i am feeling lonely. i don’t know how to survive being alone without my girl. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve made the choice to move on, then you should look to date other women. 😉

[Sally]

Loving someone and knowing you want a future, but feeling blocked by family… that’s painful in a quiet, constant way.
Here’s the honest part. In situations like this, love alone isn’t always enough. Her parents’ opposition isn’t something you can force away, no matter how good your intentions are.

What matters most right now is what she is willing and able to do. Not what she hopes will change someday, but what she’s ready to stand up for today.
Talk to her calmly and clearly. Ask her where she stands if her parents never agree. Would she choose you anyway, or would that be too much for her? There’s no wrong answer, but you deserve the truth.

Be patient, but don’t put your life on pause forever. Love should feel steady, not like waiting in fear. Take care of your heart while you figure this out together.

[Tara]

Right now, you’re not facing “opposition,” you’re facing a test of whether you’re actually a man capable of building a life or just a boy begging for permission. Her parents aren’t the real problem. Your lack of leverage is. Love without independence is noise. If you can’t stand on your own feet financially, legally, emotionally, and socially, then you have no authority to demand lifelong commitment from anyone’s daughter. Indian parents don’t respect feelings; they respect stability, status, and certainty. If you don’t bring those to the table, their rejection is rational, not cruel.

Now the harder part you probably don’t want to hear: your girlfriend’s willingness only matters if she’s ready to choose you over her parents, publicly and permanently. If she hesitates, delays, or hides behind “time will fix it,” then she’s not committed; she’s comfortable. A lifetime partnership requires spine, not sentiment. If she won’t stand with you when it costs her comfort, she will not stand with you when life actually gets hard. That’s not romance, that’s reality.

So what do you do now? You stop whining, stop romanticizing struggle, and start building undeniable proof. Get financially independent. Become socially credible. Make yourself impossible to dismiss. Either you rise to a level where their opposition collapses under your competence, or you accept that love alone doesn’t win wars in the real world.

[Member]

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