[Kaylyn]

Hello April,
I have been in a relationship for 12 years with a man who moved to this area to live with his mother after his father passed away. I thought in time our relationship would grow and that he would put me and our relationship first but this hasn’t happened. I have two grown children and 1 grandchild. I live across the street from my boyfriend and his mother. My family is from out of state and my boyfriend always refuses to go with me to see them. I have went out of state to see his family, attend a family reunion and wedding. At the wedding I was not included in the family photo. My family was not invited to Easter dinner across the street and they refused to attend with my family. I felt if the two family could celebrate together that my boyfriend should come to my dinner. Their guests included an ex son in law and two college age grandchildren. Mine included the two kids, their spouses and one grandchild. he came over after their guests left to say hi and measure a flower bed in my backyard. He hates when I ask questions yet if I her his mom ask the same question, he cheerfully answer her. He spends the night at my house on Fridays and Saturdays and showers at his place. He will go get a shower on a Friday and talk to his mom till about 10 a.m. He has never been married and has no children. He has dated and been in relationships before he met me. Anyways should I overlook his ways and think outside the box and the positive instead of getting upset and taking it out on him. Our relationship has been very strained lately because I dwell on the negative but it has always been a problem for me. Just thought I could win him over. Let me know ways to handle this. I feel slighted unimportant. he doesn’t like to hold a conversation. he thinks it should be one sided and when I jump in he thinks I am being rude.
communication
feeling important
plus he nitpicks at things I like to do, knitting, sewing, etc.
thanks

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I know you’re upset — but the reason is because you don’t like who he is, and instead of looking at yourself to make changes, you’re hoping he will — and he hasn’t. And won’t. 😕

If after 12 years of dating a man, he doesn’t put you first, don’t expect change in the 13th year. Or the 14th. And when a man in his 50s, 60s or 70s, which I’m guessing is his age range, and has never married, chances are good he won’t. Not traveling to see your family, including them in holidays or including you in family photos is your cue in flashing neon lights that he’s not that into you.

But rather than focus on all that he’s not, my advice is to focus on yourself, what you want in life, and how to get it. 🙂 Time to wake up and smell the coffee — and get out there to meet your Mr. Right. 😀 He’s not that guy.

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