[Jfranko69]

We have lived together for one and a half years now I work in a remote location 2000 miles south of our home. When I am home things are great. The issue is while I am working. She has a tenancy of going out to the bars six nights a week. At first it was to go visit the afternoon crowd you know the people that just got off work. No she is going out later and later with a more shady crowd that frequents the bars that late at night. I have asked her to slow down and I have been questioning her motivation in this change. I reached out to her later at night because once again I am in a isolated situation at camp and would like to have some kind of contact with the outside world ,her being that contact. Now I am getting, you’re jealous you don’t trust me you are being controlling I will not change my life because you feel threatened. Hell now she sends me articles on unhealthy jealousy. Now I am sitting here questioning am I afraid something bad is going to happen to her or am I just being that freak and trying to control her now I don’t even know. So if I am just being jealous of her late night bar activities and it’s none of my business what can I do? Should I just ignore the fact that she blows me off to go be social at his clubs every night or is it fair to expect my fiancé to be there for me to help me not worry so much while I am at work trying to provide for our family. Please help me !!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re both unhappy with the structure of the relationship. You don’t like the fact that she’s out at bars, possibly flirting and maybe even hooking up, dating or meeting someone new. You also don’t like the fact that you can’t protect her if something untoward happens to her, because you’re 2000 miles away. That all makes sense and I completely understand where you’re coming from. As for her, it sounds like she doesn’t like this long distance part of the relationship and either she’s acting out or she’s trying to make a new life for herself since you’re so far away. Would it be great if she focused on work, her friends and family rather than bars and parties? Yes. But, I’m not going to judge either one of you. Let’s just solve this.

Long distance is very difficult in relationships. To make it work, you have to let a lot go. You can’t expect the same behaviors that you would if you were in the same town. I know this is hard, but it’s what people who make long distance relationships work, do when they’re not on the same page about the distance. You also have to practice a little “don’t ask, don’t tell,” because of the distance over the long term.

If that doesn’t resonate for you… and you really think that she’s behaving badly because she’s unhappy that you’re away, consider the long distance part of the relationship. Do you have an end date for the long distance part? If not, make one! You mentioned she’s your fiancee — is there a wedding date? If not, get one! Maybe you can move these dates up to make the relationship feel more of a priority to her. In addition, try to make sure you can see each other regularly for weekends or longer. Every two weeks would be ideal, and not just to practice romance and show your passion — but to show your commitment to the relationship.

Hope that helps!

[PassionSeeker]

I can understand why you’re feeling frustrated and confused. Being 2000 miles apart is a big deal, and it’s tough when you’re feeling isolated and trying to stay connected, but she’s out doing her own thing. You’re right to feel concerned about the situation, but I think it’s also important to take a step back and ask, ‘What does this mean for both of us?’

Long-distance relationships are already challenging enough without added stress, and it seems like there might be some miscommunication here. She’s out at the bars, and it could be her way of coping with the distance or maybe she’s trying to create a life for herself while you’re gone. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel uneasy, but it does mean you have to figure out how to balance these feelings without controlling her actions.

If you haven’t already, maybe it’s time to talk about an end date for this long-distance period. Get a plan in place to make the relationship feel more secure and less about constant worry. Regular visits, setting a wedding date, and making her a priority could shift things in a way that helps both of you feel more connected.

[Serena Vale]

Babe, you’re not being jealous, you’re just worried. 😬 She’s out there six nights a week with a sketchy crowd and brushing off your feelings? Red flag 🚩.

You deserve someone who listens and supports you, not makes you feel crazy. If she’s not willing to meet you halfway, it’s time to seriously think about what’s going on. Trust is key, and right now, it sounds like she’s not giving you that. 💔

Trust your gut, you’re not wrong for wanting more. 💛

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… 😤 she’s out every night while you’re 2,000 miles away busting your ass, and somehow you’re the problem? nah. that’s gaslighting with a side of guilt. a healthy partner doesn’t need to be glued to you, but they also don’t treat the relationship like it’s optional when you’re gone. if she can’t even text back or meet you halfway, that’s not independence, that’s disrespect. you’re not jealous, you’re just tired of being loyal to someone acting single. so stop begging her to care and ask yourself why you’re staying with someone who won’t. 💋💅

[Clara]

For me, what you’re feeling is completely normal. Of course you’d worry — what usually happens in clubs and bars? There’s alcohol, men, women, and sometimes even drugs. For someone who says they want to build a family, that kind of lifestyle really shouldn’t be a priority.

It honestly seems like she’s only thinking about herself. She even told you directly that she’s not willing to change for you. She doesn’t even seem embarrassed that you’re far away working hard while she’s out almost every night just enjoying herself.

You should seriously think about whether you still want to spend your life with this person, because from what I can see, she’s becoming a source of stress and headaches for you. Her behavior is already showing signs of irresponsibility and a lack of respect toward you.

[Member]

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