[rajnandini]

Hey.. i am 18 years old girl… I was in a relationship with a guy but we broke up. its been 4 years since then till now that v r together as friends only. we make love together and fights alot. He was in relationship with a girl before me and he loved her but somehow due to some reasons the girl left him and now she is studying in some different city. i still feels for her and misses her and i love this guy a lot. i do not know what to do.. please help me to get him back … PLEASE !!!!! I am physically and emotionally hurt. Please i need an urgent help… 😥 😥 😥

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re having sex with him, he’s not your “friend”. Friends don’t have sex with each other. What you’re doing is having sex with a guy who doesn’t care about you that much any more. He isn’t dating you and he’s missing his ex-girlfriend. 😳 My advice is not to waste your time with someone who doesn’t care about you, and to move on and find someone who does care about you enough to date you and have a real romantic and monogamous relationship with you.

Remember this: Men have sex because they can. You were willing and he was ready. As long as you continue to have sex with him, he’ll continue to have sex with you — but he won’t care about you more, and you WILL care more and more about him, and you’ll shut yourself off from dating other guys because you’ll feel a commitment to him. 🙁

If you want someone to date, find that guy, and if you want to be in a healthy relationship with someone, find that guy — but he isn’t the one for you. Time to move on. 😉

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[rajnandini]

But i really LOVE him and its been 4 years since then. He cares for me sometimes , listen to all my problems , even gets angry with me when i drink or smoke. If we together go out for saturday nights he treats me like his girlfriend. Also listens to all my problems but he always complaints that i irritate him by calling him a lot when he is busy doing work. He does not even like the fact that i talk to random guys. He jokes with me around , make me feel jealous by calling out girls name , Tease me. What does that mean? I do not know about her ex girlfriend who left him but somehow i know he still feels for her. In these 4 years i have also done many mistakes but now i want to save my relationship with him. I want him to see improvements in me and to accept me happily.. I want to get back together with him. Is it possible? Can i save my relationship? I want to improve my mistakes and want to bring new good changes in me. so that i comes to his notice and he starts accepting me. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know that you love him — but it isn’t clear that he loves you, and you’re asking me for help, but you don’t want to take the advice. 😕

You’ve become his FWB (friend with benefits), and that’s usually the losing position for a woman, who wants more. Women get into this situation because they think that they can leverage the sex into romance — and they even fool themselves on this topic. You can’t expect a man to treat you like a girlfriend if you’re not treating yourself like a girlfriend. Until you take yourself out of the friend zone — and in your case, that’s the friends with benefits zone — you’ll never know if he’s going to ask you out on a date and get into a romantic relationship with you. In fact, you’ve taken that opportunity away from him. 😮 You’ve put yourself in a compromised situation, and if you want to get out, you have to remember that you’re not his friend (because friends don’t have sex with each other — and the reason is that one person always likes the other person more, which is exactly where you are — and this leads to confusion and miscommunication and dishonest — again, which is where you are. 😳 ), and start behaving like someone who wants a boyfriend — not a FWB. 😉

You wrote that you want to make some changes (I think you called them improvements) and you want him to notice these improvements — well, the change you have to make is to get out of the friend zone! It’s not easy, but that’s my advice.

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[rajnandini]

Ok. So does that mean that i should stop behaving like his friend anymore and should start behaving like his girlfriend? Or should i just clearly say NO to him to have sex with him by mentioning that we are just friends? Your advice is really Helpful to me… 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes — you should stop behaving like his friend. And you should start behaving like a woman who [i]wants[/i] to be his girlfriend — which means only spending time with him if he asks you out on a date, and if he doesn’t, moving on. If he starts treating you like a girlfriend, once you take yourself out of the friend zone, then your relationship will be clearly a dating relationship, which I think is what you want. 😉 If, however, he doesn’t want to date you — and only wants sex — then you’ll get to know the way he values you (or not), and he’ll get to see that you’re not having sex with him as a friend. He may not want to pursue a romantic relationship with you, and at that point, you have to accept that and move on — or you can try to interest and entice him — without sleeping with him.

Glad that helps — and I’m wishing you good luck on this one!

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[rajnandini]

Yes i will definitely going to try my best… So what all should i do to behave like his girl friend.. Should i call him daily? or should i say ‘”i love you” to him? We are going together for clubbing on saturday night so i think it is the best time to do that.. Please guide me !!!! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Definitely don’t call him every day! 😯 If you want someone to date you then you have to get them to chase you and try to win you over. So don’t go out with him unless he asks you out on a date. Don’t make the first move — let HIM make the first move/s, and if he doesn’t, then you’ll know he’s not that interested and you should move on. If he does, then continue to let him win you over.

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