[taylor]

I met a guy on tinder. We’ve been sexting buddies for more than a month now and it was chill and fun and I was more carefree until recently when I got more comfortable and used to him and started to develop fantasies and feelings for him in a way. I’m still confused whether i like him or how he ever feels about me. He sometimes asks me if i’ve hooked up with anyone or if i’ve met anyone and i’ve always tried to reassure him and tell him no i’m not interested etc. The one time i asked him if there were any girls he said “maybe, but it’s kinda complicated” and i got confused because i’m confused what we are because sometimes he acts like he’s interested but maybe it’s only physically. We are on the basis of talking about general stuff not much detail about our lives but he’s gone to the beach recently and i asked him how it was and he said “it’s good, a few good looking girls, but it’s chill” and I get confused why he’s randomly telling me these things and i wonder if he’s trying to make me jealous or show that he doesn’t care? i’m not sure it was just odd of him to say that because he doesn’t really express his feelings that way when talking about his time/day.

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both?

[taylor]

17

[AskApril Masini]

Got it. So as you probably know — or maybe don’t know — Tinder is a hook up site. For the most part, people who use Tinder aren’t interested in real relationships. They want quick gratification. Unfortunately, a lot of women who like the speed of Tinder, think they’re going to meet a nice guy who will date them on this app. Or, they think that they can handle the sexting or one night stand nature of Tinder relationships — but they become disappointed when they start to like the guy.

It sounds like this guy got what he wanted from you in the sexting. That was all he wanted. If you had let him know you were interested in uncommitted sex or a one night stand, he might’ve been interested in that, but he doesn’t want a relationship. That’s why he’s telling you about meeting cute girls on the beach. He thinks you understand the nature of Tinder and how he’s just there for quick fun. You’re wondering why he isn’t treating you like a guy who might want to date you and the reason is he isn’t that guy.

Here’s my advice. Get off Tinder — it’s not really for someone like you who is young and wants a guy who’s going to be there to talk to, see movies with and have fun on a committed basis. You deserve more than being some guy’s sexting relationship, while he’s going out to meet tons of other women in addition to what he’s doing with you. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear, but he’s not your date. He’s a sexting partner and that’s kind of it.

Hope that helps.

[taylor]

Thankyou so much. I really appreciate the advice.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. Feel free to write me with your questions any time.

[Sally]

Sexting feels light until it doesn’t, and then suddenly you’re attached without meaning to be. That shift you’re feeling is normal. You got comfortable, you let your guard down, and now there’s something at stake.

From what you’re describing, it sounds like he likes the attention and the connection, but he’s keeping one foot out. The comments about other girls feel intentional, even if he’d never admit it. That’s usually someone trying to stay in control of the vibe, reminding you not to expect too much.

The hard part is this: if he wanted more, you’d feel less confused. Mixed signals are still a signal. You don’t have to cut him off, but you might want to notice how this is making you feel. Fun shouldn’t leave you second-guessing yourself this much.

[Tara]

You’re a sexting pen pal, not a romantic interest, and the only reason you’re confused is because you caught feelings in a setup that was never designed to include them. He keeps you sexually engaged while deliberately reminding you that other women exist because he wants control without commitment. That beach comment wasn’t “odd” it was a signal: I’m free, I’m looking, and you’re not special enough to lock me down.

When you ask about his life, he stays vague. When you ask about other women, he dodges. When he asks about you, it’s to make sure you’re still on the hook and not giving the same attention elsewhere. That’s not emotional interest; that’s territory management.

[Member]

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