Although the question seems simple, the situation is not, and 24 years of marriage hangs in the balance!
Let me start by saying I am on my third marriage. The first, when I was in high school (married at 17!) was for passion and I chose my mate because she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It lasted only 3 years. The second marriage was with someone that shared my views, was a wonderful cook, a great house keeper and a hard worker (looks didn’t figure in the equation). The second marriage lasted only 7 years. With my third and current marriage I went for love. It didn’t matter that she didn’t clean or cook, or that she wasn’t my type physically, she had a pretty face, a great smile and she was a wonderful person. Sure we had our ups and downs but overall the marriage was happy and healthy for both of us and we produced two amazing children together. On the outside, things were great. There was only one thing that sometimes bothered me but I had been dealing with it successfully for over 24 years….since my spouses body type was completely different than what I would normally “go for”, when we made love, I would often have to think of being with somebody else. A movie starlet, a next door neighbor, etc, etc. This had gone on for most of my marriage and hadn’t hurt anyone, in fact I and my wife would have said our sex life was great!
The problem started when my brother briefly moved in with us and we started talking about matters of the heart. At some point he asked me how I had ever ended up with my current wife, since she was completely opposite of the type of girl I had always been attracted to. When I told him he was shocked. “You’re cheating on your wife!” He told me. “Every time you have sex with her and think of being with someone else you are lying to her and yourself, and being unfaithful!”
Physically nothing had changed but after this conversation I was a mess mentally and still am. I felt guilty and tried to change and be “honest” but found that without my imagination, having sex was next to impossible. I found myself becoming not interested in sex, and not feeling like my normal amorous self! My sex drive diminished to nothing in the space of a week, and now I am wondering if I should be honest with my wife and tell her what is bothering me. I am worried that things will never be the same. Am I cheating? Is there any hope left? Help me April! I don’t want to flush 24 years down the tubes and start over but I can not go on the way I have been. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
