[Gingerbooks]

I have been dating & living my boyfriend for the past two & a half years. I moved 6 hours for a new job & to be with him. After 2 months I was laid off & had to take a dead-end, barely above minimum wage job to make ends meet. I am in grad school for a second masters. That is why I moved in with him. In the meantime, I’ve been on housing assistance and apartment waitlists. We both have kids from previous relationships and he is, sadly jerked around by his ex. He’s let her live with us for the sake of his kids. As a result, she treats me like a house slave who should take care of the house, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and her kids while she sleeps all day & barely goes to work. She also expected me to buy her groceries and gets pissed when she has to buy anything, even for herself and her kids. He has treated me like crap & ignored me in an attempt to please her when she threatens to take the kids. In the last month, my boyfriend has been trying to raise money to hire a lawyer so he can get sole custody (she cannot physically take care of the kids due to medical problems, mental issues, & pill addiction). He is taking her to court this week. In the meantime, I was finally called for an apartment open as of the 1st. He wants me to stay & is trying to make up for his behavior and change. He’s even started to see a therapist for the anger/rage his ex causes with her games and manipulations. I love him and his kids. But I don’t know if I should stay when she goes. He told me if I left, he didn’t think I’d want to come back if he asked me to marry him. I question if I’d even still date him if I move out. I love him & could see a future with him and our kids when she’s gone. But should I stay or should I go?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You should go. Immediately.

First of all, why are you dating a man who is living with his ex? And are they still married? Or were they never married?

Second of all, if the reason you are living with him and his ex is because you can’t afford to live on your own, then you need to make your living situation a priority — especially if you have children of your own. 😕 Going to graduate school is great, but not at the expense of your housing for you and your kids. Grad school is something you should put on the back burner for now so you can make enough money to find proper housing for you and your kids.

Once you move out, my advice is to not date your boyfriend until he is no longer living with his ex-girlfriend (wife?), mother of his children. Clearly, he’s put her ahead of you, and this isn’t the behavior of someone you should be dating. If he continues to do this after you’ve moved out and after he’s living on his own without her, then it’s time to move on. 😉

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