[singlemd]

I’m not entirely sure how to start this, because it is a long drawn out story… I’ll do my best to keep it succinct, here it is from the beginning.

Last new year’s, my best friend’s brother and his 3 friends invited her and a friend of her’s–> me, to come to Vegas with them. All four of the guys are extremely successful and currently live and work in Saudi Arabia for a global engineering/procurement/construction firm and I live in Texas. The guys were back home for Christmas and wanted a fun trip for New Years. My best friend’s brother, we’ll call him B, stayed pretty clear of me until the last night of the trip. Lauren had placed a “no touch” rule between the two of us. In the cab ride home from the bar to the airport, he wrapped his arm around me and held me close while Lauren sat in the next seat over. The guys all went their separate ways for the rest of their time back in the states, and Lauren, B, and I headed back to their family’s lakehouse for the rest of the weekend (I already had a standing tradition spending New Year’s weekend with Lauren’s family, they are like my second family.) B and I flirted the rest of the weekend. Innocent and fun.

At the end of the weekend, Lauren went back to college, I went back to med school and B went back to his hometown before he flew back to Saudi in two days. I sent him, and the rest of the boys, a facebook message thanking them for the trip and was expecting to continue on with my life. The next day, B sends me a message telling me to go get ready and meet him for a Mavs game with less than an hour’s notice. Courtside seats, alcohol flowing, he got called on the court to participate in the half time show, he’s the life of any party so we made friends all around us at the game… It was a whirlwind of a night and I was enamored. We went to the bar after the game. He hasn’t lived in the area since he graduated high school and couldn’t describe to me where his brother’s house was well enough to get him there so he ended up coming back to my house and we hooked up.

He flew out the next day with no plans to be back in the US til next (this) Christmas. I expected it to end there. I knew it was going to take me a bit to get over it, but I tossed it up to the lifestyle that I had just been privy to for a second. He sent me a facebook message when he got back to Saudi, and before I know it we are talking everyday between the hours of 10am to 2pm. Nothing really deep, just random conversations and how was your day? etc. He asks me if I have the summer off, and when I say yes, he invites Lauren and I to join the same group of guys for 2 weeks in Greece and Croatia. We continue to talk daily leading up to the trip. The guys, especially B, took care of organizing everything and the trip was top of the line. By this time, we no longer had the no touch rule between us. During the trip, B and I were together quite a bit, but always within a group setting, except at night. Best sex I have ever had. We just clicked in a way that I’ve never experienced… maybe it has to do with the fact that we’d actually been getting to know each other for 6 months.

Post trip til recently- B still talked to me daily. After the trip I asked him how he felt about it, and he said he felt we had a connection, but he lives in Saudi and I am a full time med student and there isn’t a feasible way to play this right now. The rational part of me understands. He was engaged once before and she called off the wedding when it turned out that he was going to be in South Carolina for a year after they were married. She was a med student as well and could not have followed. He called off the engagement after that. So he’s been burned on long distance ideations once before.

I’m at a point in my life, where I am feeling a compulsive need to find a guy. I haven’t made it past three dates with a guy in the past three years. Before that, I had only been in one actual relationship, it lasted 4 years. I am the type of girl that falls for a guy and can’t look at another. I am ready to find a guy to get to know again. One I can start to share my life and my experiences with. The loneliness of single life is now overwhelming me. So I started going on dates again. I went out on dates with 12 guys in the last couple months, but I cannot stop comparing them to B. So I brought it up with him. I told him that I had to stop talking to him because I was using him as a crutch for male interaction and needed to give the guys I was going on dates with a chance. He told me not to settle, to find someone worthy of me… and a week and a half later he sends me another message asking me how the dating is going. I tell him not too well, but I’m still trying and he decides to throw in how rare our sexual connection is. He says he doesn’t know how our romantic/relationship chemistry would be because we’ve never been able to try. He’s still not willing to step up and ask me to be his. Not the right time, but he agreed with me when I said that I would like to try and date him if he were back in Texas.

I am a mature and independent 25 yo. I have never been one to let a relationship define me. He is 27, and comes from a family who I spend more time with than he does. He is stuck in Saudi, can only be back in the US for 2 weeks a year because of some tax law. He goes on mind blowing vacations for 2 weeks every 8 weeks. I am sure that he sleeps with girls on those trips, and he deserves to cut loose and have the fun, I am not the jealous type. For the rest of the 8 weeks he lives on a man camp. He needs the female interaction.

For the past 6 months, after the Greece and Croatia trip, I have not been able to get him out of my head. I get butterflies every time I get a fb message, my heart drops when it isn’t him. He’s the last thing I think about at night. It’s ridiculous. He will be moving back to the same city I live in about a years time and he said he’s excited to go to Mavs games etc with me even if it turns out I’m seeing someone.

Sorry about the long story….but here is where it stands now. I will be spending time with his family over new years, as is my tradition. He will be there again this year and it looks like we (B, Lauren, and I) will have the chance to go out in the city a couple nights before we head down to the lakehouse. B and I are pretty straight forward with each other, but I am still not sure what exactly I am to him? He talks to me an awful lot and on an extremely consistent basis to just be a “distraction” from his work life for him. He uses terms like darling and babe. He’s supportive and I have come to rely on his consistent encouragement. I just don’t know that I can keep this casual through another physical interaction. I haven’t been able to bring myself to have sex with anyone else since Greece, well I started drunk sex with a guy once, but halfway through I just walked out because I kept having to stop myself from calling out B’s name. After that I felt utterly disgusting, something I have never really experienced after a one night stand. Even though I’m not sure that I can keep up my casual facade, at the same time, I don’t want to let this opportunity go without spending some time with him… What do I do? Do I just cold shoulder him? Do I ask him to back off? Do I follow what every cell in my body wants to do… melt into his arms?

[AskApril Masini]

If you really want to find a man with whom you’re going to be monogamous and even marry, then you have to stick to that goal. 😉 Which means accepting that he’s not ready to be that person for you, and not hanging around where you know he’s going to be — including his family’s home on holidays. 😕 As long as he’s in your life in some way, you’re going to be distracted and you won’t move on. He likes you enough to have sex with you, take you exciting places and enjoy your company — but he’s been very clear with you that he’s not going to be your boyfriend. The choice is really yours. So be clear about what you decide to do. If you go to his family’s house, go on vacations with him, and sleep with him, it will be much harder for you to find the man you’re looking for — someone to be monogamous and marry.

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