[Bamaslamma]

I guess I’ll start with the backstory. I work for a national company. Each year there are several events where offices from across the country can come together for training and things like that.. that’s when this all started. We first met in April of last year. He works in another office, totally different market. Right off the bat it’s complicated because we work for the same company, technically, and we don’t live in the same state, but we hit it off immediately.

Talked a lot about various things and we seemed to have the same views, drive, ambitions.. and the chemistry was just out of this world. He ended up kissing me and it was like sparks flew, for real. I’ve never been kissed like that. So we spent the next few days hanging out, when we weren’t in training sessions. Went for a walk on the beach. He talked about how he never found a shark tooth before, so I found him one. But ultimately, had to say our goodbyes, obviously, and went our separate ways. I was bummed, but that’s life!

Get a text from him a while later telling me he made it home safely, was great to spend time with me.. yadda yadda. I responded with some lame girl with a crush text and that was that for the day. We talk fairly regularly, when our schedules permit. We both have a lot on our plates so we can’t devote as much time to fun stuff as we’d like.

We got together a couple months ago, ended up spending the most amazing night together. When we went to leave he kissed me on the forehead and said he was really going to miss me.

The same texting/phone calls went on as usual. Last week we were both at corporate for training. He seemed really excited to see me again about a week prior, but then the texts got more few and far between. Until he saw me in training and texts me ” you look absolutely stunning today”

Hung out that night, hooked up, went to sleep. Had to go to more training the next day. I know we try to keep it cool in front of people but I couldn’t even get a kiss goodbye because other people were around so that annoyed me (not annoyed with him, just the situation). Asked if he wanted to grab coffee before we headed back home and he said he needed to hit the road because something came up at the office.

Since then we haven’t been texting a ton. I feel like I’m aggravating him when I do text him, but he tells me he misses me and sends kiss emojis. I guess I sort of get mixed signals sometimes. I hate guessing and would just like to know whats up.

Anyway! I guess the point of this is that I think I genuinely like this guy a lot but a relationship is definitely not feasible at this time. Should I give up on this and cut off the flirty texting and sex? I don’t know how exactly he feels and I don’t want to seem clingy by asking him where he stands or anything, is there a good way to do that?

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’ve had 2 dates in 11 months. That’s the bottom line. I know you want more, but it doesn’t sound like he does. 🙁 You’re confused because when you’re with him, you both have a great time, but then you go back to your respective states, and he doesn’t really make a move to have a long distance relationship in a meaningful way — meaning regular visits. There’s no question about it, long distance relationships are more difficult than in town relationships, but to make them work, you have to both want them, and you have to both be willing to let a lot go.

I think that the best way for you to know what he wants is to back off and let him have an opportunity to show you. If he shows you he wants a long-distance, committed relationship, then you’ll know it. If he doesn’t, you’ll probably tell yourself you’re confused because when you are together it’s great — but you’ll sort of let go the fact that he doesn’t really make an effort to date you.

See if that works for you. And let me know if you have any other questions.

[Bamaslamma]

We’ve actually seen each other 8 times, only 3 were on work related trips. I guess I didn’t explain that LOL. But I get what you’re saying. I don’t even know how much more I want but I just feel like one minute he’s pulling me closer than the next he’s pushing me away. Driving me crazy but he’s so fun I don’t know what to do.

[AskApril Masini]

Aha! Eight times in 11 months — even with 3 being business appointments — is a big difference than the two I thought it was. Five dates where he’s come to see you (or you to him), specifically for the purpose of the relationship, is once every other month, and that’s normal for a long distance relationship. Thanks for filling me in! 🙂 I think you’re feeling the discomfort that comes with simply being in a long distance relationship. It’s not the same as an in-town relationship where one of you has a bad day, or there’s a misunderstanding, and you meet up for dinner to talk it through or just see each other. Sex is planned and romance is delicate. Things are going on in his neck of the woods that you’re just not privy to because you’re not in town — and vice versa. After you explained the number of dates, I think you should hang in there. Try to get busy and do things for yourself so you’re not so needy of his attention, and at the same time, send him sexy photos, or a love letter or some homemade chocolate chip cookies — so you can try to get him to miss you and want to see you. It’s a balancing act in a long distance relationship. Hang in there!

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