[banana]

My exe’s friend…I like fell in love with him instantly. The moment I met him I was in awe and I’d always compare my ex to him. I was still in love with my ex but I knew if it came down to it I’d rather be with his friend. He liked me too, at least I thought he did. In the beginning he was the one to let me know that my ex cheated on me at a party they were at a long, long time ago.
Then me and him started texting but he started being weirdly abusive. Even there were actions that pointed to him liking me, he would constantly belittle me. I’d take it because I still wanted to talk to him.

During a time me and my ex were on a break, I offered for him to come see me and he completely rejected the idea saying I live way too far and he wouldn’t drive that far for me. Then he got a girlfriend..and then he’d still constantly emotionally abuse me. If I posted something on facebook, he’d comment on how stupid it was to start an argument with me. I had no idea what his problem was and to this day still dont know.

There were a lot of times he made me feel like crap and once he flat out told me he only treated me that way, no one else and I noticed that too by the way he treated others. It was all so bizarre.

Then one day he commented again on something posted and attacked me again, insulted me again, and at that point I had it and told myself he’s not in my life, he’s made no effort to be in my life, at this point all he is is a name on a screen that comments on my statuses in a negative and insulting way so I deleted him. Never talked to him again.

But for some sick reason, he had this huge impact on me. I think of him almost daily. It’s been years since I’ve seen him. I just really felt this sort of connection between us before he started treating me badly that I never felt with anyone before. Like, I felt that if I had met him before my ex things would’ve been different. The one that got away.

But what does it make me if I’m attracted to and longing for someone who was so mean to me? I’m sick…and I can’t get him out of my head. Sometimes I’ll even drive by his house. Not in a stalker way, just cause. Like my soul misses him. He has a girlfriend now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you asked the question about yourself. That’s very enlightened of you! 🙂 And it’s a good question: Why are you attracted to someone who treats you poorly. You’ll have to do an inventory of your personal relationship histories, and see if you have something in your past where someone close to you treated you poorly. Many times, people who have been treated poorly from an early age, find familiarity in that behavior and are attracted to it throughout their lives. Understand that in many cases of severe abuse, the victims feel love for their abusers. I’m not saying that that’s your situation, but it’s interesting to be aware of the complicated relationships that people have with those who treat them poorly and with whom they feel attraction.

In other cases, people feel that they don’t deserve to be treated well or to be successful and they offset success and happiness with abusive relationships. Again, these are psychologically complicated cases.

I would like to tell you to simply stay away from anyone who treats you poorly because I would hope it’s not a relationship dynamic you’d want a daughter you may have one day, to emulate. But I know it’s not that simple. You’ll have to dig deep to ask yourself what about who you are likes being treated poorly and what do you get from this dynamic?

[Member]

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