[cocobeans]

I’m at a loss for what to do with my boyfriend of 1 year. We started out as close friends in which for a few months I had an awful life crisis in which I was not exactly a saint.I was having a lot of one night stands and drinking heavily and felt a bit out of control. Before we started dating his friend came in from overseas and we all went out drinking. Sure enough his friend and I ended up in a drunken romp with my current bf, then friend in the next room. After we had finished, his friend literally yelled “hey, do you want a go at this?” Inviting my current boyfriend to have sex with me. Since then I started slowly starting to pick up the pieces and am now in a much better place than I was then. The problem is that this guy comes into town every few months and my bf sees no problem with going out with this guy who so seriously offended me. In fact the whole group of friends associated with this guy have consantly been rude and excluded me from their functions. My boyfriend says he’s not going to stop going out with them and that I’m being too controlling. I feel like if any of my friends disrespected someone I care about they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. He sees this as me not wanting him to go out, but its really me not feeling like I’m respected. Everytime he goes out with these people he crawls into bed at 5 or 6am. He claims all his exes didn’t have problems with him staying out or his friends so I need to deal with it. Am I being oversensitive? Am I wasting my time? Is it unreasonable to be upset by this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re wasting your time. You’ve got some serious problems and you need to surround yourself with healthy people. This guy isn’t one. You’ve mentioned several situations and behaviors where your boyfriend doesn’t have a healthy lifestyle or a respect for you as a human being. He’s not going to change — will you? You’re the one who’s in charge here and you can get yourself better, pick up the pieces, as you said, and find a man who is a much better partner for you than this guy and his circle of friends are.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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