[val29]

Good day!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time now, but I still have trust issues due to a lot of happenings in the past.

Here’s my concern: There was this instance when I was looking through his Facebook messages and I found a suspicious old message from his female friend who used to have a crush on him. They were talking about something that happened one night (many years ago), and the girl said she was still thankful because they remained friends despite what went on between the two of them. Although not clearly stated, the message implies that my boyfriend’s female friend made a move towards him and he entertained it. What bothers me is that we were already together when it happened. For this, I want to know what really happened between them even if took place many years ago. Should I confront my boyfriend about the message? I’m afraid he will get mad at me because I invaded his privacy (through reading his private messages), and well, I admit that what I did was wrong.

Thank you very much in advance. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ask yourself what will happen if he tells you that he did sleep with her many years ago while the two of you were together. Will you break up with him? Will you want to stay with him? If the answer is the latter, and you will want to stay with him, then I don’t think you should bring it up. If this is a deal breaker for you, then you should ask him, and be prepared for the backlash because you spied on his social media accounts.

Tough call for you!! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[val29]

Thank you for your response. 🙂

Honestly, my answer is the latter. I actually thought of not asking him about it, but then my thoughts about the message keep coming back. I don’t how long they will haunt me. It’s been two months since I read the message.

May I ask how I can help myself get over this if I choose not to confront him?

Again, thank you very much in advance. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old the two of you are — please let me know if you write back — but eventually, you will figure out that successful, long-term relationships, are not always symbiotic. In other words, you don’t have to be each other’s’ everything and you don’t have to tell each other everything and be brutally honest about each and ever factoid and breath you take. Shared goals, mutually agreeable lifestyles and respect are the glue that hold relationships together over the course of time. Betrayal doesn’t always break things apart, and many couples get over the hurt of these things because the bigger picture is more important than the smaller issues — and with time, things like this can become a small blip on the radar screen. If you can process this, and use it to redefine your relationship, you may not feel the need to talk to him about this. But if you can’t, and it weighs on you, then bring it up in a way that doesn’t back him into a corner so he feels defensive. And be prepared for his mistrust of your spying on his social media accounts and any blow back from him on that issue.

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