[Anonymous]

Hi, im new to this forum so please bear with me

Ive been seeing and living with this girl for 4 years, 2 weeks ago she upped and left, saying she needed space. She went home to her mum who lives miles away but she should be coming back soon for work (but obv not staying with me anymore) ive realised i took her for granted a bit, and ive been a commitmentphobe. but the break has shocked me to the core and i now realise its not her company i miss …. its her. we havent really spoken in 2 weeks although i sent her a rose to her home address and she responded seemingly quite well. (well i got a text back and it wasnt nasty)

im not even sure if or when she is back so today i sent her a text, asking that if she was about this week whether she wanted to go for a coffee.

I really miss her and have never felt this strongly for a girl before (im in my early 30’s)

do you think she really has fallen out of love with me? and if so what can be done to show her ive realised ive been a div

please could i get some advice on what i can do with a view to reconcilliation?

[Ask April Masini]

Why didn’t you propose marriage to her during the four years you were together? Are you ready to now? If not, what is keeping you from committing to her?

[Anonymous]

Well the first 2 years were pretty eventful in a dark way… and after that we didnt know where we stood with each other so were kinda housemates with benefits, although i would have loved to tell her how i really felt but found it hard to say things like ‘i love you’ (i know i have issues lol) and she never really told me how SHE was feeling either. so it just stayed ‘comfortable’ til 2 weeks ago when she left.

I was blinkered when she was here and was prob a bit scared of comitment too. but now i would quite happily propose to her if i thought that would be accepted, but i think we need to wipe the slate clean and have a proper relationship first.

I spoke to her on the phone today for an hour and 15! I told her everything i was feeling and she said she already knew because she knows me. she mentioned that she doesnt have many friends around and found it hard to be bothered to get out of bed. she sounded down and hurt, it seems she has lost a lot by moving out (a place to call home, her job, people we used to go to the pub with etc) and she seems to have put up the barriers of not wanting to be hurt again, she said she couldn’t promise me anything so i said ‘i dont want any promises, i just want a chance to show you how i feel instead of you just hearing the words or reading the texts’

she says she has no other romantic interest and said – to be honest shes not even considered thinking of other relationships right now.

it seems she has retracted into her shell because ive taken her for granted for so long that ive hurt her. i just need to find a way of proving i will never hurt like this or take her for granted again.

its her birthday on sunday

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry to say so, but she did the right thing.

If after four years, you didn’t propose to her, and now, even though it’s “tearing you apart” that she left you, you STILL write: “i would quite happily propose to her if i thought that would be accepted, but i think we need to wipe the slate clean and have a proper relationship first.” 😯

Come on! No woman in her right mind is going to put up with that kind behavior from a man. She hasn’t fallen out of love with you — she’s realized you’re not Mr. Right. She gave you four years of her life, it didn’t work, and she’s rightly moved on.

If you’re not going to show up with a gorgeous diamond ring and a proposal after four years, you need to learn your lesson for the next woman in your life. Most women want a commitment, so if you can’t or won’t give them one, you need to be crystal clear about them from day one and throughout. 😳

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