[peachalexandra2011]

Dear April,
I recently join your website & I love the fact that your a relationship advisor. Well maybe you can help me with my problem im having between me & my guy. My guy & I are currently engaged, we’ve been engaged for about I say 6 months now, and I been dating him for 1 yr and half. My problem between us is the fact we ALWAYS argue with each other daily or sometimes and my other problems with him is his friends, his job, and our communcation. I like his friends, some of them understand me how I feel others dont understand me. Well, I feel like most of his girl(friends) like him and try to come between us. I had a girl backstabbing me in the back because she told me “that she & him are just friends, nuttin more” well I found out she is jealous of my guy and doesnt want my guy to have any girlfriends. And when I was on a trip on my vacation for 1 month she try to spread rumors of me saying i am cheating on him which I wasnt because I didnt have no internet access if you go to other countries. When I came back I had to hear drama which I didnt want to hear in the first place, I almost broke up with him but he finally decided to end their friendship with each other so he hasnt talk to her since. Than other female friend said that she wanted to have sex with him, before because she was in a messy relationship and she just wanted to cheat on her guy with my guy when HELLO I DATING HIM! His other friends doesnt like me probably because i am disrespect him at times. I want to respect him but Im still hurt by wht happend to me 1 yr ago with his female friends. Sometimes I cant even trust him or have faith in us anymore after all that drama occur 1 yr ago. I know I should let go of our past between me & his friends but I just cant I am deeply hurt by all this drama and I am being to think that I WILL HAVE FEMALE ISSUES down the line. Is this normally to have female issues with your guy?
His job is also another problem beacause I never get to see him much like I use to, I told him have a time mangement down but he hasnt aint, and we dont live with each other aint. But sometimes we argue off and on about our problems.
Communcation skills we dont have probably because we cant agree with each other, and result into a conflict between us. We both try but is isnt working, so he told me we should see a couple counselor. DO U THINK ITS A GOOD IDEA? ANYWAYS, I love him alot but sometimes IM NOT SURE IF OUR LOVE IS THERE ANYMORE AFTER ALL THE DRAMA HE PUT ME THRU, should I stay with him or should I move on? or should I left behind our past and move on what we have now and try to solve are problems.

[peachalexandra2011]

Sorry for the grammer spelling or if its confusing to u 🙂

[peachalexandra2011]

I CANNOT BELIEVE NOBODY CAN HELP ME OUT WITH MY POST! I AM MISERABLE AND i need advice…

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you have several problems and they’re getting intertwined. If you can separate them out and discuss them, and see them and work on them, I don’t think you need a couple counselor.

The first problem for you is his job. If he’s going to be working long hours, you should decide if you’re willing to sacrifice not seeing him as much as you used to until you’re married when you’ll be living together. Lots of men work very long hours and they do so because they love their jobs and/or they’re focused on making successful careers. These are good things! 🙂 If you can look at the positive side of his working long hours — that he’s doing something productive that is building his self esteem, his career and contributing to your relationship because you’ve got a fiance with goals and a promising career, then you’ll see that his long hours are a good thing.

The second problem is that you’re jealous of his friends who are women. It sounds like he hasn’t given you any reason to believe that he’s cheating on you, so my suggestion is focus on your relationship with him, not these other women who like him, but aren’t getting his attention, so they’re tweaking you for attention. Shift your focus away from them and back onto the relationship you have with him.

The third problem is that you don’t get along with some of his friends. If they’ve seen you disrespecting your fiance, they’re going to feel loyal and that he’s making a mistake dating you or marrying you. My advice is not to disrespect your fiance. And be appreciative that he has friends who are so loyal to him. 😉 And if you do continue to disrespect him, reconsider the relationship. 😳 No man is going to want to be with a woman who doesn’t respect him — and if you disrespect him, you shouldn’t want to be with him, either. 😕

Lastly, you mention communication problems, but you don’t really talk about what the problem is with your communication. Couples argue normally. They disagree normally. But if you’re committed to being a couple then you need to use tools like compromise and sacrifice. Find out if you’re both willing to do this.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[peachalexandra2011]

well im not jealous of his friends is more like I cannot get along with his female friends, I just dont trust his female friends because i always think they are after him even though he is devoted to me and ONLY me in my opinion I truely believe his female friends are jealous of us..which I dont understand why they will want to come between us or at time spread rumors about us. I also thought his female friends wants attention from him and maybe try flirting with him but I know him he told he doesnt want to pay attention to his female friends or flirt with them because he care MORE about me than them. But i just feel insecured at times I mean should I pay attention to his female friends and see if they try any move on him or like you said focus on our relationbship and get back to where we were before the whole drama between his friends and I.

I try not to disrespect him, because I do love him but I went with thru hell and back since I been with him at first is his female friends, than his friends dont like me because the way I am treat him I just have a bad past with him since I met him and is like his friends are always butt in our relationbship why I have no clue. I know most of his friends who are currently dating feels miserable with their relationship so they think its funny to ruin our relationship just like with one of his female friends i met at a bar and her relationship wasnt going good and next thing she is jealous because my guy is happy with me while her relationship with her guy is miserable I didnt even do nothing to this girl so she decided to spread rumors that I was cheating on my guy which clearly I wasnt while I was vacationing for 1 month. When I came back I wasnt friends with her or either was he either. But like I said I have trouble trust issues with his female friends, should I let go of this female issues i am having and put them behind me and start our relationship clean?

Whats the best way to avoid fight with each other when it comes to communcation, sometimes I dont want to talk to him probably because its will start some conflicts between us and I try to basic sit down and talk about our issues but at times its not solving anything we end up argueing back and fourth. I know i need to communcated with him but for me communcation is hard for me.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Don’t focus on other women — just your relationship with him. If he has friends that you do like, then encourage those relationships. You can also look for new friends, too! Don’t make a big deal out of something you can’t change — like other the behavior of other women.

I’m not sure what you’re trying to communicate to him about, but don’t have “the talk” about the relationship with him. Instead of talking about problems, focus on having fun and doing what you enjoy together. If you focus too much on negative problems, or processes that aren’t working, you’re going to create discord in the relationship that isn’t natural.

I hope that helps! 😀

[Member]

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