[fifteenminutes]

I’ve known my friend for a year. We were FWB but she called it off after 3 months. Months later, I called her. We got to talking and she explained why she called it off. She wanted more than FWB. I asked her out but then I stood her up because it felt weird that we were once FWB and going out on a date. It was wrong and I apologized. She asked if I would like to still go out and I declined. We still stayed friends and slept with each other on and off. This one particular time I was comforting her due to a friend that she was upset about. They were having severe mental issues. One thing lead to another and we had sex. The condom broke and she was not on birth control. It was 4 am but I freaked out and asked her to come with me to buy her the morning after pill. She was tired but I still asked her to go. My card wouldn’t work and she was broke because of car issues. I got angry and frustrated. I mentioned that I wasn’t ready for children and didn’t want any. I told her she wasn’t ready either since she has a great career. She was quiet the entire drive back, said she’d find a way to get the morning after pill and left my home abruptly. She bought it. I sent her a text apologizing for things being awkward. I also told her that it isn’t that I don’t want kids with HER, I just don’t want kids. She said she didn’t take it personally and she was fine. She hasn’t sent a text since. I think she’s upset though. Was what I said bad? I really like her. She’s awesome. Personality and everything. I just don’t want kids.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think this has more to do with her realizing that she’s compromising her own values in this relationship than anything else. She’s always wanted more, and you keep making it clear where your boundary is. I think she’s hoping you’ll change and this last incident where a pregnancy scare brought out your true feelings that you really don’t want kids, made her realize that at her age of 35 (thanks for the information on your pre-posting questionnaire) your not wanting kids may be very important to her. She may want kids. She may think she can change you and your feelings. Or she may not have realized your feelings until this pregnancy scare happened. And when you were clear with her, she decided to retreat. I think that because you’re in your 20s and she’s in her mid-thirties, she may want more of a commitment than you’re interested in, and the silence that she’s giving you has more to do with her figuring out that this isn’t right for her than anything else. This is really about incompatibility and her being slow to figure out that she isn’t going to get what she really wants with you. I hope that helps.

[Member]

Posts