[Hardtimes]

My BF of 2 yrs lives with me and I found out lies and he was gambling had debt. He filed bankruptcy and car was repo’d . He makes good $, so I helped him buy a car in my name. 6 months ago, I questioned his behavior, he went into a rage. He broke things and said he wanted to break up. Then he confessed he was going to see a therapist. He has PTSD from combat. I gave him a 2nd chance. Since then, I’ve found out he tells friends lies. He stopped gambling but spent all his $ on other things. He’s talked me into some new appliances I couldn’t afford. I’m afraid of the things he’ll break or get violent. Recently I found his foid card revoked because of a stay in a mental facility for a week after coming back from combat. I think he used my foid card to sell a firearm without me knowing. He gives me $ out of his check to pay his bills, rent, and to help pay down my debt since I helped him out. Our plan was to pay my credit debt so we can afford other things in the future. He decided he wants me to buy a new car. My car is paid off. He was trying to bully me into buying it anyway saying he’d give me more money to cover the cost of the car payment. He even wrote up a contract saying if we broke up he would still pay for 8 months after he moved out. I told him no. He got mad because I wouldn’t accept his deal and we haven’t talked in a couple of days. I want to break up with him. I live in Illinois and I don’t even know how to legally kick him out. I think I have to give him 30 days. My only family lives out of state. How do I go about handling this?

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you need some help with boundaries. 😉 If you want to break up with him, then you should sit down with him and do so, calmly and peacefully. I think you’re upset about a lot of things that happened in the two year relationship and you’re disappointed at the way things have turned out. I’m very sorry for all of that. But…. the best way to break up with him is firmly and kindly. Don’t get angry, just be sad that it didn’t work out and try to work out an exit plan. The best way to do so is to either ask him to leave, or you leave. Kicking him out should be a last resort.

The logistics on who lives where should probably be determined by your lease. If you’re both on the lease, then you both have a financial obligation. If just one of you is on it, then just one of you has the obligation. If you’re the lease holder then the housing obligation is your responsibility. Read the agreement that you signed with your landlord and you should be able to figure out your options that way. 🙂

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